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A story. Actually, let me re-phrase, story is too nice a word. It was an incident. Yes that's what I shall call it. An incident that opened my eyes to how lucky I am to have M in my life. I know I don't always say nice things around here about the husband, but this once, I will admit - he may have 100 bad traits but he's a good, generous, sensible man. A MUCH better man than most men I have met and come across in my life.
So the incident.
M & I were visiting some friends who recently bought a new home and we, just like everyone else went to check out their place and be part of their celebration. Now, we live in Boston and this place was around 40-50 miles away from where we live. So we drove there and when we reached, the group of people who had reached along with out hosts, were standing on the porch. I rolled down the windows and asked where we should park, and after getting the answer from the home owner friend, continued to the parking spot to park. After we parked and walked over to the house, one of the guests who has recently gotten married, introduced us to his new wife. He went - This is S and this is M. And btw (pointing to me) she's the husband and he's (pointing to M) the wife. If this wasn't insulting(!!) enough, he continued by addressing M and telling him - why was she driving, can't you drive, should I give you "ghagra choli" to wear?
Yes, I was driving. Don't really see what me being a woman has anything to do with that? Don't see why M being with me should change that if I want to drive? These statements were disturbing at many, many levels. The fact that he implied "wife" is the weaker partner in a marriage. Did you just arrive here from the 15th Century?. The fact that only guys should drive their girls around but not the other way round. Bloody Sexist. The fact that being driven around by a girl implies that you are the weaker partner in the relationship??!! WTF! Or the fact that driving is a manly activity. Helloo? There's a break and an accelerator and that's it. Since when did pushing two pedals become a "manly" trait?
At this point, I wanted to punch the guy in the face followed by a kick in his b*lls. I did none of those things, I did not even show how angry his comments made me. M and I ignored him, and continued on to take a tour of the new home that our friends loved and bought. After seeing the house we all settled in the living room for some drinking and chatting. And this guy started grilling us again (He just couldn't let go of the fact that I was driving). We were speaking about cars and he turns to me and goes, this car is yours (as in mine only) right? I didn't really see his intention and I really thought that he was asking me if I was the sole owner of the car on paper. So I am like, no it belongs to both of us (meaning we both signed the papers, we both owe the loan). And he goes, but the car belongs to whoever drives it. (!!!!!!!!) And I'll admit, I didn't give him a good enough comeback over this. I only said - well really it belongs to whoever pays for it, so no it belongs to BOTH of us. I did not create any scenes, or argue with him, or even show that I was so so mad. Sometimes growing up has it's own disadvantages.
Later when we were driving back, I asked M - wasn't he angry, didn't he want to rip the guy's face off with his bare fingers (cos obviously I wanted to)? M, calmly told me that he doesn't care, and it doesn't bother him. He said, that's how that guy thinks - that driving is per-dominantly a male activity, and when he sees you drive, he draws conclusions and forms opinions about who might be more dominating (??!!) between us. But those are just that - "his perceptions", and that they don't affect me, cos it's only between a husband and a wife - the dynamic of their relationship. Other people can only draw conclusions from what they see.
To say that I was shocked to hear such profoundness will be an understatement. People who know M will testify that he is the biggest goofball of all times. He can crack the poorest of PJ's and silliest of jokes and never make a serious conversation unless it involves career aspiration crap. So these deep zen-al words shook me to the core. Of course, they didn't really calm me down or anything, I was still mad. And here I am after a fortnight and still, just as mad.
But this incident helped me realize that, what I have been taking for granted - the respect and equality that I receive from my husband, is not what every married girl out there can claim. I feel lucky to have a man who isn't afraid of a strong confident woman in his life. Who doesn't measure himself by puny standards of pseudo-manliness. Who is confident enough to not let such jerks affect him.
I feel bad for the guy's wife. And for him, I just feel like he needs to be punched and kicked thirty thousand times and then some.
Thoughts?
