With nothing to do...

This is what happens, a rediscovery -

1. I am very forgetful, and I am really really bad at remembering important dates including birthdays, anniversaries and such more.

2. I am really bad at remembering names too.

3. I find cute bartenders, well....really cute.

4. I love my family till the point of being unreasonable with others to make them happy.

5. I love shoes.

6. I am going to get a tattoo someday, but not just yet, cos I feel I'm not ready for it yet.

7. I also am going to get a degree in literature someday.

8. I like New York in general, but absolutely love it only with one person :)

9. I really love fruit martinis.

10. And I love writing about me... :P

Realising once again...

....how mean people are.....and more so when in a position of power or have an upper hand! And once again depressed, how hopeless the world seems.....You know when it feels like you can't take it anymore...Just can't put up with it....And wondering, if this will ever end?

You know...

The reason it hurts so much to be apart is because our souls are connected.

Is it?

She should have seen it coming. It was building up like a climax scene in a play. There were his friends. And there was lamb curry, his favorite. And there was this entire two whole days of missing him and trying not to. And there was this entire movie having been watched that afternoon, where every scene, all she could think of was - "what would he say in this scene, how would he mock aamir khan here" and then smile secretly imagining how funny it would have been. Having spent the entire movie wincing at the gory shots, wishing he was there to put his arm around her, so that she could bury her head in his shoulders and didn't have to watch them. So is it really weird that after such a day she started crying the moment she heard his voice, miles away from India calling only to tell her that he loves her and misses her a lot??!!
Is it??

Will you be free for dinner tonight?

The SMS said. From him. I waited 6 years for it before I stopped waiting. Another 3 have passed since then. I moved on. Long back. Don't believe me? Well you have no choice..do you? Anyway...we are friends. Always have been. Except for that brief period that I thought we were something more than friends. And upon asking I was bluntly told it wasn't so. "I never thought that way about you." Okay. Fair enough. Then why the fuck were we acting/talking/behaving the way two people do only when they fancy each other? For more than a month? Talking everyday and every night till very late. Till I tried to confirm things were what I thought they were. Or god knows how long that might have gone on. I don't feel anything for him. But I still feel very much cheated. Even today. Still feel angry at myself and him. As angry as I felt then. As humiliated. Even after these many years. But I still am going to take up this invitation. The hurt & innocent teenager inside me is very much tempted to stand him up. Make him feel at least fraction of the pain that I felt. But I know I couldn't do this to him or to anybody for that matter.

So. I'm going to say yes to an invitation I longed to receive years ago and which now, doesn't have any more effect on me than watching an ant crawl. And try to purge my heart of the anger, not cos I forgive him but only cos any of my emotions are not worth that ass of a guy whom I still consider a friend.

PS: I still think of him as a friend. Just wanted to get this off my chest. I didn't think it would come out so strongly when I started writing. Thought I was just documenting the odd ironies of life. Oh well! :)

Dedicated to my most faithful albeit mute reader

Thank you. I don't know anybody else who reads my blog as regularly as you do. Nobody else motivates me and encourages me to write(this being just one of the millions of things you encourage me for) like you do. And you even remember to strategically mention my posts in our conversations. You never comment, and I don't think you ever should, cos thats what(one of the things but not limited to it) makes you stand apart and oh-so-special! I like the mystery, I like the excitement of writing something and waiting to see if you have read it. May I say just how much it means to me? It means more to me than a hundred dinners, a thousand gifts, and a million surprises. I hope you get what I am trying to say, oh but wait, you get it sometimes without even me having to say it.So I am not worried...I am now, only waiting to hear what you have to say about this very post.

And ya...thank you, for being you :)

What women want?

PS: Wrote this a long time back too. I think - 01/03/2008. Thoughts still the same on this one though as opposed to this.

For years men have been asking the question - What women want?
Do you know why men still have not found an answer to it? Because it's frigging wrong question to ask in the first place! The question is not what women want.....the real question is what is it that the woman wants?

I myself never gave this even so much of a fleeting thought before...Why did I think about it now? Because I started wondering what is it that I want? I started talking to my friends, what is it that they wanted? I realized its all different. Not only is it different, it is also dependent on who the guy is. Interestingly, expectations keep changing as the focus changes. [I don't think this is that true though, basic needs of a woman (with a huge emphasis on A or THE WOMAN, for all those guys who read this - never generalize with women) never change].

Have fun! ;)

Why is it not enough?

Written on - 03/29/2008
Disclaimer: Been sitting on my computer for too long. Tis high time it saw the day light. These were my thoughts in March. My thoughts changed drastically in June. Will soon udate why, how and what of that in another post.

I am sitting here in Au Bon Pain, a snack/lunch/dinner cafe, something of a bistro(w/o the wine!). A beautiful dusk, but cold and windy. And I have a project to work on (ugghhh...so what else is new?). But obviously, here I am writing this post looking all important and consumed in my work ;). I look around. Groups of people sitting everywhere. Only one couple. And even they don't look like stereotypical couples. Most are with friends. Probably 60-70% of them are single too. ( I can't tell, really, I don't think there's anyway to tell, but I am just estimating for my own benefit :)).

Then why is it that most of us (read - each and every one of us) is looking for that someone special. We have wonderful friends, busy lives, things to do. Why do we even need that kind of shit? My friend happens to think, that when we look around we see people, with each other, all sappy, lovey-dovey and I'm-there-for-you-baby; and it rubs off you as a little something called "longing". I happen to disagree. I have no idea why, but I can't stand couples getting cozy around me. It somehow seems like an act of showing off . I rather look up to couples, who can just look at each other, and they know what the other one is thinking, without actually having to ...ummm.....demonstrate!! Okay, jokes apart, isn't that what we call chemistry, the sheer attraction between two people, who only they can feel and understand, and others can only feel there's something, but can't put a finger on exactly what it is. Alright....coming back from our little digression there (Clap Clap!!Snap back to reality!), the point I was trying to put forth was, even if you don't see such things around you, there's a little part in everybody which is searching, looking, seeking!

Is it companionship? kinship? security? comfort? having someone to praise you on those bad-hair days? :D or just having someone?
What is it that induces us to feel the way we do? And what should one do when struck by it? Fight it? Embrace it? Act upon it? Or just ignore it?

Any answers??

When I heard about the siege in Mumbai,it was mid-day in office and I was shocked but only a little, with the recent happenings, I thought this is another one of those, although distressed(I can't believe I am saying this) I was not, well, as shocked and devastated by it right away. But what followed has appalled me to the core, and more than that I am ashamed to admit that we as a country failed to deal with it as well as one would have expected. Especially being in a foreign country, where I meet people from all nationalities, and yet I have not discussed this with any of them, because I don't have any justification for how bad & irresponsible India looks on world map today!

Some of the things that more-than-bothered me were -

- If the gunmen can enter a hotel like Taj or Oberoi, from as simple a place as a back door, in what capacity do these places call themselves five stars or whatever when people carrying guns and ammunitions can just walk inside?

- Why is the police(which is the primary and major security force of a country) still carrying those ancient weapons which are now only suitable to be placed in the museum?

- Why is the media of our country allowed to/showing live telecast of how the NSG is trying to attack the terrorists? Didn't it strike anybody that, if I sitting here in America can view it live, so can the people instructing those gunmen over the satellite phones, thus not only putting them a step ahead of us always, but also endangering the very lives of these forces? How difficult is it to be a responsible media in such times of crisis, or is having the highest TRPs the only thing people understand these days? Shouldn't this basic lesson of morality and common sense be taught to reporters & journalists that they may be here to enlighten general public, but they should not become an hindrance in security operations at the very least, and definitely not aid the terrorist through some foolish act such as this?

- Is resignation of a handful of ministers really going to solve anything? Is taking your son and a filmmaker to a site so grave has only a punishment of being made to resign almost at the end of your term?

- Why is the financial capital of our country even after being hit so many times, still not been provided with the kind of security services it should be?

- And now, when it is over, why do I have this sinking feeling in my heart that just like before this too shall be pursued for a month by the media and general public before being abandoned/forgotten/given up on, till something even worse strikes?

Even as I write this, I am tempted to end this post right here, at the questions and not go on to write the cliched - 'I still have hopes for a better tomorrow, cos from inside I feel utterly hopeless, maybe cos I am sitting so far away from my motherland, doing 'something' becomes even more difficult, although I cannot imagine, what is it that I could have done if I was there. But, still, my undying hope and faith in my country does not allow me such despairing thoughts, and so thus I reiterate what millions of bloggers have written across the web - There's still hope. We can make a difference. Let's show them their place. Lets do it. Lets strive for a more secure and beautiful future!

Amen!