In the recent turn of events in my life, I started trusting somebody, only after knowing them a couple of weeks. And then I came to my senses with a jerk.
And yet again, started asking questions -
How long before you start trusting someone? Should there be a time period defined, like they do while hiring, a 6 month probation period before full-time trust? Should you trust your gut-feeling, or should you listen to your brain?
I think sometimes, you just trust someone because at that moment you just want to trust that person, for this need to trust someone, because you are feeling so vulnerable. I got to discussing this with my friend, and she thought that sometimes strangers can be better listeners and maybe its for the best that you trust someone at that moment.
My dear not-a-stranger-anymore,
If you ever read this and understand that it is for you, I trusted you because I believed there was chemistry between us, there was a spark, and thankfully you have done nothing to break my trust yet.
But its best for me to break away from the shackles of vulnerability, where I give you the power to hurt me.
I think it will take a while before I am okay with giving you that power.
-Me
Later!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Sanity is a curse!
Dear Diary,
We had a party today. The three namesake houses that are considered as one. I always feel lonely at parties, uncomfortable in a group of people whom I don't know properly, to whom I can't say more than 3 sentences. Today I felt that exaggerated feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside me. With a room full of people, all drunk, all insane in their own world, swaying to music, dancing madly, and doing what their heart wanted. All I wanted to do was run, run away to my sane world, the world I know, the world of soberness. I don't drink. Not because I can't. Because I don't want to. Because I believe I am high enough on life. I don't think I need another stimulant.
It's strange how people behave when high. It's like you don't know them. And every person you catch saying - I'm not high, rest assured he's completely high. I feel scared of such people. More than scared, I feel awkward and unsure of how I should behave. And worried about some close ones.
It's weird. It's strange. It's almost alien. This feeling. I can't wait for my world to become sane again.
Ciao,
Shruti
We had a party today. The three namesake houses that are considered as one. I always feel lonely at parties, uncomfortable in a group of people whom I don't know properly, to whom I can't say more than 3 sentences. Today I felt that exaggerated feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside me. With a room full of people, all drunk, all insane in their own world, swaying to music, dancing madly, and doing what their heart wanted. All I wanted to do was run, run away to my sane world, the world I know, the world of soberness. I don't drink. Not because I can't. Because I don't want to. Because I believe I am high enough on life. I don't think I need another stimulant.
It's strange how people behave when high. It's like you don't know them. And every person you catch saying - I'm not high, rest assured he's completely high. I feel scared of such people. More than scared, I feel awkward and unsure of how I should behave. And worried about some close ones.
It's weird. It's strange. It's almost alien. This feeling. I can't wait for my world to become sane again.
Ciao,
Shruti
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
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