Where did she go?

Where did she go? The innocent, cheerful girl, who started this blog seven years ago. Who thought that nothing was impossible in this world. Who was too romantic to believe in practicality. Who wanted to travel the world, travel to a new country and make a mark there. Who was little enough to not really understand what responsibility means but old enough to think she was responsible. Who was truly happy, without thinking too much about what happiness really means, where it really stems from. Whose world was wrapped up in her friends.

Where did she go?

I wish she had stayed. I wish she had never left. But no matter how deep I search within myself, I cannot find her. Worse, I can't even find a way to bring her back. Everyone says, life keeps moving forward. I'm not sure if that's necessarily a good thing. I want my life to move backwards, to a simpler time, a simpler life.

4 weeks ago, on a Sunday my mom told me, she had been seeing my father's heart doctor and is going to have to have a heart procedure urgently. That Thursday, when she told me it was scheduled for Saturday, I was sitting on the plane that afternoon, on my way. I have never felt so scared, so lonely in my life. The roles reversed. Suddenly, I had to grow up and be what my mom is always to me. A rock, a support, the grown up. The girl, seven years ago would have spilled out all her fears and the thoughts that went through her mind here. Me, I am too scared to even think them again.

Ever since I came back to the US, I have been waiting to feel normal again. Even though things went fine, and my mother is better now, I can't seem to get back on track. Nothing helps. I feel disinterested in any and everything. Mostly, I feel angry. If I am not angry, I feel depressed. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't even know why. I guess I do know why. Such vulnerability in life has left me shaken, and I can't seem to get out of it.

Please bear with me, as I try to steer my life, my mind and my heart to a regular rhythm. Please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers.

Bedroom fun!

This isn't what you think. I am not going to reveal funny stories (or any other story) of M & me from the "bedroom", not that anything funny has ever even happened. Really. No funny business. And before I completely bury myself into this self-dug-grave, let me start over. Remember I promised to bring you glimpses of my home, when I showed you my kitchen. Well, here's more of the series. Before I get into the "good" stuff, a lil background is in order - I am obsessive. Most of the time, my obsessions are short lived. But sometimes they become a part of me. That’s what has happened with me and my home.

These days (since several months), I obsess about my apartment being clean and organized. I love coming up with creative and less-expensive ideas to keep my home organized and make it more beautiful. Furniture is expensive in the US, and furniture shops (read ikea) are really far. It is impossible to buy stuff without spending a boat load of cash. It is even less possible to have it custom made, cos that might lead to bankruptcy. People DIY here. I was skeptical with the idea of it. Painting chairs myself? Are you kidding? But then I had some free time and nothing to do at one point in my life. I got into it, and have been in love with it ever since! I am still learning, but I love my projects (even the ones that failed).  This is one of the projects that I finished in April last year.

We had just moved to our new apartment in March and the older bedside tables (ikea lack table) were not working in this new space. I did not want to spend too much money buying new ones, cos well they are expensive (even $25/table makes it $50). I decided to wait and do some research, look at some pictures and see if I could think of a solution. I looked at this picture and loved the minimalist bedside shelves -

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I wanted to do something similar, and I took a trip to ikea (disclaimer: I just love the store, I don't get paid to write ikea so many times on my blog, though it wouldn't hurt :>). I was browsing through the store when I saw this - 

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I bought two of these at $6.99 each. Bought a stain color (can't remember which),  that matched our existing bed, a polyurethane can and a paint brush, all of which must have cost around $12. And then I went to work. I stained the box with at least 3 layers of stain between drying (it's a thin ply so it kept soaking up the stain) and two layers of polyurethane. At this site, I had read the tip of sanding between coats, which really worked. I hung them on each side, along with some cute lamps and ended up with this - 

Moving right on (past the crinkly bedsheet) - our bed does not have a headboard, cos when M bought this bed (it's his originally), for his "bachelor pad", he thought this one looked very manly (Men!). To add some color and interest I bought this, cos I love maps, this is what our bed area looks like now -

I love it! That fact that the bedside tables cost a total of $26, and the fact that I love them more cos I DIYed them adds to all the fun! :)

I have some favorite sites that I read everyday (like this, this, this and this), and they inspire me. These sites are also where I learned how to paint, decorate, organize etc (I didn't know the first thing about even holding a paint brush) and get most of my ideas here! The learning process continues and there is a long way to go. And these are my proud baby steps :)

That's all from my bedroom for now!