It's happening...

It's finally happening. We are just shy of our two year anniversary and I have finally started thinking of Mihir as family. Why did it take so long you ask? I shall tell you dear reader, but first, let's back up a bit to look at the bigger picture.

To me, getting married was almost anti-climatic, where I kept thinking, I am tying the knot with my boyfriend, but I don't feel like a wife. But once we started our married life together - my OCD self immediately wanted to run this marriage like a new car. Perfectly. However, did we have the knack for it. Hardly.

Now that we were running a marriage, so to speak, I was constantly pulled between all the things my "I-expect-we-are-expected-to-be-doing self" wanted done, the things "real me" wanted to really get-up and do, and things I wanted M to "get" in terms of what he "should " do, to help keep this marriage machine running flawlessly. The first couple of years of the marriage, were in fact quite the opposite of what people call the "best" years. It was a lot of learning, fighting, push-backs and tantrums. Mostly from me.

Hindsight is 20-20 they say. Let's hindsee, shall we? All I wanted was, our marriage to be picture-perfect. That's not asking much. To elaborate, I wanted our home to be spotless all the time. I wanted our laundry always done, folded and put away. I wanted steaming full-course meals on the table every night for us. I wanted both of us to be always laughing, gazing into each other's eyes, lovingly cooking together, while there's music in the background and we are dancing to it. I wanted us to lazily wake up on weekends, make and eat breakfast together in bed. On cold evenings I wanted us to sit wrapped in a blanket together gazing at a fireplace, or the sunset. And let's not forget the playing basketball together at home, where I beat him every time. Or something to that effect (for reference please watch my all-time favorite movie - Saathiya).

So imagine my surprise, when none of this materialized. Far from it, in fact. Our home was most of the time untidy and even worse, not clean. Laundry whether done or not, was always in the laundry basket. More often than not, we were eating take-outs from local restaurants. (On the upside though, I like to think we may have single-handedly saved some places from shutting down during recession). There was never an opportune time to gaze into each other's eyes or lovingly cook together or sing and dance along to a romantic upbeat number. To be fair though, there was indeed some sitting and gazing - sitting on our sofa in the middle of a messy living room and gazing too, but only at the TV.

I kept scores. I counted things I did versus things he did for our marriage-machine to run smoothly. I fought tooth and nail to not do things a married woman is "expected" to do. And this, when M was not even saying and expecting anything to begin with. I just put me in that position all by myself. You know when you think up all the expectations you expect people to have from you and your rebellious self basks in the glory of rebelling against them. Yep. Those.

And M? He kept on loving me the same way since the day we fell in love. No demands, no expectations, no questions, and no arguing or fighting back. He never analyzed getting married. He understood my every tantrum. Maybe that's a wrong word to use. I am pretty sure, he was quite clueless about why I was throwing tantrums all the time, but he took them. With utmost patience and love. Unwavering love that was almost annoying at one point. (Do you have any idea how frustrating it can be when you want to fight and don't get any response back.) Always understanding and always by my side. Always doing everything I asked him to do, without a question. Always willing to learn and adjust to make me happy. Always encouraging me when life was pulling me down. Always willing to take my sh*t when I was pissed off about work. Always attentive and responsive, when I complained we didn't spend enough time together like other couples (who I was talking about, I have no idea, cos what do we really ever know about others' lives, except maybe what's on Facebook). Always humoring me when I decided to be weird.

And then last week, after we had a dinner of leftovers (where we both tried to eat less so that the other person could eat enough), when we were sitting side-by-side on the couch, eating a store bought frozen molten choclate cake and watching "Parks & Recreation", it hit me. This is it, this is what being a family is. Sharing food, molten choclate cake and a laugh, relaxing in our home. Without saying much to each other, yet an unmistakable feeling of connecting, conversing. And this is what marriage has given me, someone who is all mine, my family away from everyone and everywhere. Someone to fight with, make love to, be weird with, get frustrated at, learn to be patient with. I am not giving up my perfect marriage dream boat yet. It's just that perfect is something different than what I imagined. It's this - here and now, time with my husband, my family.

Happy 2nd (as of the new year) Anniversary M! I love you!

Randomness

- My hair stylist has been calling me "Shupi" ever since she met me. I think I might have corrected her once, but haven't after that. I find it's a little awkward at this point, and also it's too much effort to explain how to really pronounce my name. I would rather have both of us put that effort towards talking about my hair, cos God knows, that's a big enough challenge. Am I the only one who has gone along with a wrong name out of sheer awkwardness?

- How good are Barfi! songs?! And how good is the movie???! In love... (Even though a lot of scenes were rip-offs, I like the idea of finding love in the most unexpected places)

- I know I say this wayyy too much already - but work's really crazy right now. And in all the madness around me, I am glad to have M around. He is calm, loving and patient no matter how crazy I get due to the stress.

- After we moved, I arranged all the big things for the time being, thinking the littler stuff can be taken care of later. However, the "setting-up of home and emptying the last 5 boxes" keeps getting moved to bottom of the list. Now I am thinking, I could just throw the boxes out without unpacking them. If I haven't missed what's inside them yet, I probably don't need those things.
 
- Fall's here, and the weather is perfect. It's not too warm. It's not too cold (my definition of too cold might have changed in the last 4 years). The air is crisp, but not dry. The temperature's perfect to wear a sweater and sit in the porch eating maggi! The past weekend, I sat in the porch in the sun, like I used to in my childhood during winter. Dhoop Khana....

Are you kidding me?

via

A story. Actually, let me re-phrase, story is too nice a word. It was an incident. Yes that's what I shall call it. An incident that opened my eyes to how lucky I am to have M in my life. I know I don't always say nice things around here about the husband, but this once, I will admit - he may have 100 bad traits but he's a good, generous, sensible man. A MUCH better man than most men I have met and come across in my life.

So the incident.

M & I were visiting some friends who recently bought a new home and we, just like everyone else went to check out their place and be part of their celebration. Now, we live in Boston and this place was around 40-50 miles away from where we live. So we drove there and when we reached, the group of people who had reached along with out hosts, were standing on the porch. I rolled down the windows and asked where we should park, and after getting the answer from the home owner friend, continued to the parking spot to park. After we parked and walked over to the house, one of the guests who has recently gotten married, introduced us to his new wife. He went - This is S and this is M. And btw (pointing to me) she's the husband and he's (pointing to M) the wife. If this wasn't insulting(!!) enough, he continued by addressing M and telling him - why was she driving, can't you drive, should I give you "ghagra choli" to wear?

Yes, I was driving. Don't really see what me being a woman has anything to do with that? Don't see why M being with me should change that if I want to drive? These statements were disturbing at many, many levels. The fact that he implied "wife" is the weaker partner in a marriage. Did you just arrive here from the 15th Century?. The fact that only guys should drive their girls around but not the other way round. Bloody Sexist. The fact that being driven around by a girl implies that you are the weaker partner in the relationship??!! WTF! Or the fact that driving is a manly activity. Helloo? There's a break and an accelerator and that's it. Since when did pushing two pedals become a "manly" trait?

At this point, I wanted to punch the guy in the face followed by a kick in his b*lls. I did none of those things, I did not even show how angry his comments made me. M and I ignored him, and continued on to take a tour of the new home that our friends loved and bought. After seeing the house we all settled in the living room for some drinking and chatting. And this guy started grilling us again (He just couldn't let go of the fact that I was driving). We were speaking about cars and he turns to me and goes, this car is yours (as in mine only) right? I didn't really see his intention and I really thought that he was asking me if I was the sole owner of the car on paper. So I am like, no it belongs to both of us (meaning we both signed the papers, we both owe the loan). And he goes, but the car belongs to whoever drives it. (!!!!!!!!) And I'll admit, I didn't give him a good enough comeback over this. I only said - well really it belongs to whoever pays for it, so no it belongs to BOTH of us. I did not create any scenes, or argue with him, or even show that I was so so mad. Sometimes growing up has it's own disadvantages.

Later when we were driving back, I asked M - wasn't he angry, didn't he want to rip the guy's face off with his bare fingers (cos obviously I wanted to)? M, calmly told me that he doesn't care, and it doesn't bother him. He said, that's how that guy thinks - that driving is per-dominantly a male activity, and when he sees you drive, he draws conclusions and forms opinions about who might be more dominating (??!!) between us. But those are just that - "his perceptions", and that they don't affect me, cos it's only between a husband and a wife - the dynamic of their relationship. Other people can only draw conclusions from what they see.

To say that I was shocked to hear such profoundness will be an understatement. People who know M will testify that he is the biggest goofball of all times. He can crack the poorest of PJ's and silliest of jokes and never make a serious conversation unless it involves career aspiration crap. So these deep zen-al words shook me to the core. Of course, they didn't really calm me down or anything, I was still mad. And here I am after a fortnight and still, just as mad.

But this incident helped me realize that, what I have been taking for granted - the respect and equality that I receive from my husband, is not what every married girl out there can claim. I feel lucky to have a man who isn't afraid of a strong confident woman in his life. Who doesn't measure himself by puny standards of pseudo-manliness. Who is confident enough to not let such jerks affect him.
I feel bad for the guy's wife. And for him, I just feel like he needs to be punched and kicked thirty thousand times and then some.

Thoughts?

Long time no see!

Howdy folks! (Or should I say, is anyone still here? - in a slight Britsh accent)

Life's been pretty busy lately. Bullet points? Yeah, sounds like as good a plan as any...
- Moving this weekend to another apartment, we pretty much move every year (entirely circumstantial). Staying in the same city though. Been busy packing (and more over throwing) stuff at home. How did so much stuff end up at my place is a big mystery. I am going minimalist from now on...
- Throw that in with an already busy work life along with all the sh*t one has to do to run a household. NOT.FUN.
- To that point, home is only fun till one lives with parents. It stops being fun when the onus is on you to make it one. I get excited to travel for work, just for the simple reason that someone else cleans up after I have left and I get to come back to a clean, clutter-free room. That my friends is what "homely bliss" is all about.
- My niece has started talking to me on the phone. Nothing can make happier than when she asks to talk to me. Not that I am biased, but she has the sweetest voice I have ever heard.

That's all I can remember for now. Oh, and I'll leave you with some thoughts that resonate so much with my life these days (heck, someone wrote these after me) -

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Ciao!

Travel, Holiday and all that good stuff!

I just got back from a glorious holiday in the Nevada-Utah-Arizona triangle. M and I saw Las Vegas (if you must know, only lost net of $10), then drove to Zion National Park (did The Narrows hike), and took a day-road-trip from Zion (Utah) to Antelope Canyons (Page, Arizona).

That's the short version.

In the longer version, you will hear about how we lost our way from Zion to Page in the desert and drove for 6 hours before we found Page (a drive that is only 2.5 hours in reality). You would also hear me talking at length about getting my first speeding ticket (going 87, when the speed limit was 55. MILES. I am rather proud). I might also talk about how M and I fought for 2 hours straight when I realized he has lost the speeding ticket I got that morning (it was my souvenir for Christ's sake) and our rental car's contract (no way to prove henceforth, that this car is not stolen Officer). I would conclude with how the next morning when I woke up, I realized it actually made for an amazing story to reminisce about in 10 years (Gotta love a happy ending). I did not relax much and yet I felt awesomely refreshed after this trip.

Pictures speak louder than words though, and lookie here we have both to describe my emotions -

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And then we returned this past Sunday and I went back to work and was back to finding pleasures in little things like -

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Ciao! :)

Yin & Yang

It's been long since I posted here. My mother in law was here for a month and a half, and that left me with little time to my own. She is leaving to go back to India today. Almost a fortnight back, I wrote a draft full of complaints about how tough it is to live with the MIL, but never published it. So it came as a shock and surprise to me when I cried both last night and this morning because she is leaving. Yes, it's tough to live with any new person. Yes, having the MIL around can make you feel like you're under scrutiny like nothing else can. And yes, when you like your space and quiet, it can be stressful to have a house full of people creating havoc. And yet, today it hit me that she is leaving, and when I come back home from work tonight, there will be nobody to welcome me with a smile and "eat this, I made this for you". My brother-in-law who lives in our city but hardly visits was also staying with us as MIL was here. He will go back home too. There will be no one to tease me and pull my leg and laugh at me.

As much as the thought of my house in a constant state of mess and lack of privacy annoyed me, now I don't want either if it means, there's no family around. I don't think any one's perfect. But I cannot thank the million lucky stars in my favor enough, for giving me such a caring, joyful, patient and understanding MIL. My in-laws love me, care for me almost more than M does.

It's such a shocking realization to think that my perspective transformed from annoyed to amazed in only 45 days. I have been living on my own and away from family for a decade now and I had forgotten how enriching it is to live surrounded by people who love you, care for you no matter what. A group of different personalities who fight and have arguments, but when sit down to have dinner together, tell hilarious and embarrassing stories about each other, forgetting all the differences.

I think what I appreciate the most about having  parents (mine or in-laws) living with us is, even if I am handling everything like I always do, I still feel like there's someone watching over me, someone who I can go crying to when I screw up, someone who is capable of taking care of me cos of their lifelong experience being a parent, someone who can tell me "It will get better" in a confident and comforting tone, that only parents possess, someone whom I can pass the buck to. Takes the edge off of everything, doesn't it?

I think this strip from Calvin & Hobbes, captures this sentiment exactly -

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To all who live with or close to your families, I am so jealous! Hopefully someday soon, I will be one of you!

Amen.

Things I miss most when I'm away from home

- Hugs from M. Really miss resting my head on his strong muscular shoulders and feeling protected as he folds me into his arms.
- The first thing I feel every morning - his warm breath on my neck as he pulls me closer to "sleep for 5 more minutes"
- My bed
- My home and the freedom that comes with it - to be able to eat, sleep, drink, anytime and anything.
- M
- Hugs from M (I'll say it again, I love them)
- Even the kisses (which I find annoying when I actually get them)


But on the other hand, I had the most amazing time in LA this past weekend. I am traveling for work and it was such a nice break from the stress that everyday life can induce! Feast your eyes -

Hit or miss (in other words, pretty random)

I have been going to Zumba class regularly for about 7 weeks now. The class is every Tuesday, so technically I have done it only 7 times so far. But I still give me credit, cos doing something consistently for 7 weeks is unheard of in my case, especially if it involves anything that requires moving your body just for the sake of it (or moving your body, period). What...you didn't know I am a sloth? Well, now you do. Yesterday in the class while moving and shaking my bootay, I figured out why I like Zumba so much. I am a hard-core desi, down to the detail of loving Bollywood. I realized just like the movies, I too need the singing and dancing in my life.
It was funnier in my head, I promise.

When I first came to US, I used to live on Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. And then as always, I ate them so much and for so long I got sick of them. Yesterday, I had them after almost 3 years. Ever since, I cannot stop dreaming about when I will eat them next. I diagnose a "mild" case of OCD and I want to prescribe some Frosted Flakes to me.


What's the news at your end?

PS: I got a whopping 103 votes for my apartment!!! It's unbelievable. One hundred AND three. I am really overwhelmed by the number of people who took time to register and vote. It's amazing and if I could, I would thank each and everyone personally. Thank you guys!

<3

M got me this because our apartment is on apartmentmenttherapy.com, as a contender in Small Cool Contest. Isn't that the sweetest! :)

On cloud 9!

Before I tell you why I am on cloud nine and so happy today, here's a funny story. I was returning from another city by train today. Everyone on the train most probably flagged me as a moron, cos I could NOT stop grinning the whole 3-hour ride home. Why am I so happy you ask? Well, a couple of weeks ago, I dared to submit my apartment pictures in the Small Cool Contest by Apartment Therapy. After waiting for about 10 days for my apartment to appear on the contest page, and still seeing no sign of it, I gave up. Today evening I got an e-mail that my apartment is now posted! Check it out!

The way anyone wins this contest is by getting the most "favorite" votes. You know what's coming right? Pleading for votes...total politician style!! Won't you "please please pretty please with a cherry on top and a cute red bow" go to my apartment page over at apartment therapy and "favorite" me?!! I would be eternally indebted to you and do your laundry for lifetime if I could!! ;) :)

You might need to sign up, and it only takes a minute and I promise they never send any mails (spam or advertisement or anything else). I know this first hand, cos I have had the account for a long time myself!

Hope you do vote for me! Even if you don't do leave a comment, either here or there to tell me your feedback (whether good or bad). My home is always a work in progress and any feedback is most welcome!

In the meantime, you know where to find me - Cloud 9. Being here is awesome and I want to enjoy the high while it lasts! Can't remember the last time I was this excited! :)

Hello World!

Coming from a technical background, I don't think I have ever used this title and it's really surprising! For all the lucky people who don't know what I am talking about, "Hello World" is the first standard program you write to start learning a new programming language. Exciting (not!) stuff.

However (I am loving this word these days, btw. Suddenly it has a High-Class appeal). Anyway.

However, I am not here to talk about my technical background or random words that are high on my to-use list  (communicate, set expectation, bullsh*t etc.) these days. I am here just to say - Hello! (Another frequently used word currently).

Lets make it quick and painless shall we? I have exactly one thing to talk about today - An update from our bedroom and it involves a cozy comforter!

Not much to say about it, except that I bought a new cover for it recently. I have been trying to buy a decent one for months. One, they are really expensive and two, I wasn't sure what print is universal enough to go with my printed bedsheets. And then the light bulb went off - STRIPES! Stripes usually go with all types of prints and I set myself to find an affordable striped duvet cover. I saw this one online on West Elm Sale for $49.99. I wasn't sure if I wanted to pay for shipping so I just called the nearest store to see if they had it in stock and if so could they hold it for me. They did and they could! And what's even better is I ended up getting it only for $35! Winning!! It was a match made in heaven and I really love it! Take a look -

I really love how it ties so well with our Map! And that my dear folks, is the latest update from our bedroom. Which can be shared.

See you later, alligator!

The bright side!

"The only advantage in not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are."

 Eleanor Roosevelt, "My Day" Syndicated Column (June 7, 1939)
(Via Real Simple magazine)

Reasons to smile

#1 Your 2-year old niece talks to you on the phone and even says "love you" back!

#2 You take your eyes off the Zumba instructor for about 30 seconds and still manage to stay in sync.

#3 After feeling tired for countless days, suddenly you don't want to collapse into bed as soon as you see one!

#4 A boring book suddenly takes an interesting turn!

#5 Going to a mustache party and have your hubby comment - "You look like Bhagat Singh".

#6 Going to a mustache party!

#7 The house is relatively clean, but even when and if it's not (like right now), not letting it bother you, cos you can always do it tomorrow!

#8 Going shopping for clothes and finding something you like on the first trial.

#9 Friends. And M. And most of the family ;)

#10 Being able to subscribe to 3 magazines for just $4 (and 600 miles)! Not being able to contain yourself till you start getting them!

Paradise

If this doesn't describe my state of mind, I don't know what does. 

Addicted to it.

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

So she ran away in her sleep

Dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on

It gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly

Every tear, a waterfall

In the night, the stormy night

She closed her eyes

In the night, the stormy night

Away she'd fly.

And dreamed of para- para- paradise

- Coldplay

Where did she go?

Where did she go? The innocent, cheerful girl, who started this blog seven years ago. Who thought that nothing was impossible in this world. Who was too romantic to believe in practicality. Who wanted to travel the world, travel to a new country and make a mark there. Who was little enough to not really understand what responsibility means but old enough to think she was responsible. Who was truly happy, without thinking too much about what happiness really means, where it really stems from. Whose world was wrapped up in her friends.

Where did she go?

I wish she had stayed. I wish she had never left. But no matter how deep I search within myself, I cannot find her. Worse, I can't even find a way to bring her back. Everyone says, life keeps moving forward. I'm not sure if that's necessarily a good thing. I want my life to move backwards, to a simpler time, a simpler life.

4 weeks ago, on a Sunday my mom told me, she had been seeing my father's heart doctor and is going to have to have a heart procedure urgently. That Thursday, when she told me it was scheduled for Saturday, I was sitting on the plane that afternoon, on my way. I have never felt so scared, so lonely in my life. The roles reversed. Suddenly, I had to grow up and be what my mom is always to me. A rock, a support, the grown up. The girl, seven years ago would have spilled out all her fears and the thoughts that went through her mind here. Me, I am too scared to even think them again.

Ever since I came back to the US, I have been waiting to feel normal again. Even though things went fine, and my mother is better now, I can't seem to get back on track. Nothing helps. I feel disinterested in any and everything. Mostly, I feel angry. If I am not angry, I feel depressed. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't even know why. I guess I do know why. Such vulnerability in life has left me shaken, and I can't seem to get out of it.

Please bear with me, as I try to steer my life, my mind and my heart to a regular rhythm. Please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers.

Hope

Reading real life stories like this one, make me feel a warm glow inside me. I feel, slowly but steadily, we can bring about a revolution in our country. I know there is still so much to be done, but one day at a time, one child at a time, I do believe we can get to and go above our potential!

Sponsorship along with support from the family (probably most important) helped them become self-sufficient and pursue a happy life!

I sponsor a child and I am really proud of her! She sends me the sweetest letters every Eid and Diwali. I see her pictures every year, and in just 2 years I have seen her transform from a chubby child to a beautiful pre-teen, ready to spread out her wings and fly high! She loves to paint, and languages are her favorite subject in school. I sometimes day-dream about her becoming a writer, or a famous artist! But most of all, I pray for a healthy, happy and independent life for her.

If you have the means, I urge you to consider it. There is nothing more satisfying...

Edited to Add: Through Children's International, you can sponsor a child's education anywhere in the world (not just India). Helping any child anywhere to become educated and independent, is welcomed. This is not a sponsored post, this issue is just close to my heart and hence the post. 

Broken thoughts..

Darkness and cold. Lost and lonely. Desperate and hopeful. Distance and doubts. Sad and strong. Brave and defiant. Submissive and devoted. Prayers and faith. Bargaining with Him. Arguing and Negotiating.

Love. Family. Life.

The ironies that aren't funny!

My brother, who lives in a developing economy comes home from work at 10 pm, and sis-in-law who works from home finishes at 10.30, can walk into the living room and have food readily prepared on the dining table.

M &I, who work (and currently live) in a developed economy, come home from work at 9.30 pm and have nothing to eat.

Some ironies aren't that funny ha? Don't feel sorry for us though. We did have some "theplas" in the freezer that we were able to enjoy! ;)

In some other news - the weekend blended into this week so quickly, I did not even realize! This is going to be a long, busy week. But I am going to try my best to not bring home work this coming weekend! Touch wood. I just realized, that there are only 3900 weekends (out of which almost half are gone). I am determined to make the best of remaining 2000 I have left! 

Snippets of my (very random) thoughts

I feel really proud when my American colleagues travel to India for work and always describe their experience as amazing/scary. I am sure they are being kind to me, and that traveling to India evokes many more emotions in them - like pity of poverty, fear of traffic, flabbergasted(-ness) at the number of people, and many many more. Why do I feel proud? Every time someone tells me that, I remember this incident that happened to my sister. Born and raised in Indore, Madhya Pradesh, when she went for an MBA-entrance interview for a high end college in Mumbai, she was asked this question (no doubt by some snotty Mumbaikar, who thought everything starting from Borivali and the rest of the India is nothing but so-called "backward"  India) - "Why should we admit you to this school? Coming from a small town (since when Indore is "small", I have no idea, cos I always feel lost there) to Mumbai, how do you think you shall cope?". My sister, a proud Malwi, answered - "because, the difference between me and Mumbaikars is, I can come here and learn your ways, easily fit into the fast life, but if one of you were to go and try the same in Indore, you wouldn't stand a chance". Ha.

You can't be everywhere, and you can't do everything. It's that simple, and yet my mind refuses to understand this simple piece of information. I feel extremely stressed right now. Since Tuesday, my housekeeping started going down the hill. By Friday, the sink was overflowing with dirty utensils, the bedroom was covered in clothes lying everywhere, the dining table was full of "stuff", and the couches were all a big mess of cushions, throws, papers, measuring tape(?) and remote controls. I have not swept the house for 2 weeks now. Don't even get me started on the bathroom. AND I have a LOT of work stuff to catch up to this weekend. On the bright side though, I went to the Gym twice this week and spend some quality time with M yesterday.

Me: Shruti, you can't be everywhere, and you can't do everything!!
Me: I know, but I cannot live in this mess, but I also don't want to spend the entire weekend cleaning, and working.
Me: Just suck it up... 

Gentlemen who golf

"She figured out early what every man with a corner office has long known: To make it to the top, you need a wife. If that wife happens to be a husband, and increasingly it is, so be it."

"Seven of the 18 women who are currently CEOs of Fortune 500 companies—including Xerox’s (XRX) Ursula Burns, PepsiCo’s (PEP) Indra Nooyi, and WellPoint’s (WLP) Angela Braly—have, or at some point have had, a stay-at-home husband."

"At-home dads are sometimes perceived as freeloaders, even if they’ve lost jobs. Or they’re considered frivolous kept men—gentlemen who golf."

Says this article. Although it may, on the surface look like a good way of repentance for men, the question begs to be asked - Isn't this creating the same problem all over again, but this time with men? Won't there be a generation of men, sometime in the future, struggling to find their feet in the woman's world, while trying to manage household stuff at the same time. And even though at some level, my evil self would love to see it happen, to be completely fair - it's not fair. Is it not possible for both spouses to have a high-flying career AND a life AND a family? Is that really too much to ask?

I think what needs to happen, and what is slowly but surely taking place is, both need to own equal parts of the responsibility of earning the moolah, but also taking care of family and home. If that is not possible or feasible, then something about our attitude needs to change that makes the person who stays at home feel like this - 

"Caring for children all day and doing housework is tiring, unappreciated work that few are cut out for—and it leaves men and women alike feeling isolated and diminished."

Staying at home and taking care of children, is also what my mother did, and I respect and appreciate her for that. That is an important job, important enough to leave a job that pays, and it deserves it's due respect. But what is that change that needs to be made to make the person (man or woman) who now does a full time job of caring for home with no weekends, or paid vacation, feel the significance that they deserve?

Thoughts?

Check!

Hola! Hope you guys had a nice weekend! I did!

This weekend, I am proud to say I was able to check off one more thing off my list! You guys must feel so irritated by me, cos I have been going on about the list for like ever. Well, like I mentioned, I am obsessive. And the item I crossed off this weekend has been on my things-to-do list ever since we moved here. So yeah,  for almost a year now. What, I just have been really busy being lazy.Anyyway, lets focus on the positive, that this project has finally seen the daylight.

So let's get right down to what I finally accomplished -

Find and install a "devghar"
I was hoping to finally go went to Target and get got a small shelf to hang under the kitchen cupboards, but that never happened!

That was probably confusing to read ha? Basically, long story short, I finally got my sweet behind to Target and bought a small shelf that will fit on the wall under the cabinets and not block my microwave.
Take a look!

And I am not trying to show off but I also managed to check this off - Finally donate the stack of books set aside to be donated a few months ago
That too on a weekday! Thanks to a very helpful friend. To my utter disappointment, the library refused to take all the books, so I had to recycle some. Such a shame.

And just so you guys don't think I have turned into a total religious nutso, I want to share some awesome ideas I wish I had found, before I created my photowall -

My Photo Wall

I did not search online at all when I thought of doing this, but I wish I had cos I found some pretty classy ways of making a photo wall, much better than clipping some photos to a ribbon. Oh well, the good thing is I can always take my photos and implement these ideas -

 Make A Stylish Photo Frame For Several Photos

Decorate A Boring Blank Wall With Photo Mosaic

DIY: Cheap and Easy Photo Wall

Very easy and affordable ideas! Love them! :)

Faith

I woke up this morning, and grew up a little. Usually, I listen to pandora or dhingana.com while getting ready for work. This morning, I found it too inappropriate to listen to "Ooh la la", in the face of a beautiful sun rise. Instead I searched for bhajans and bhaav geet and listened to those. I was never a big fan, but today the soothing sound, restored a little bit of faith I had lost recently.

While growing up, I remember waking up to the sound of bhajans many times, as both my parents though not deeply devotional in a conventional way, are very spiritual. Although I didn't fully appreciate it then, it maybe the most pleasant thing to wake up to. Especially when the mind is full of chaos.

One of my favorites is this one by Ajay-Atul, sung by Shankar Mahadevan -

Words are not enough

What do you say to someone you're close to when they are in so much pain, that you can practically feel it half-way across the world? No words can ever convey the way your heart wrenches, every time you think about them. All I have been doing is having conversations in my head so far, and even those don't go well. Even in my head, I am not able to express the grief I feel, or make them feel any better. All I can do to keep breathing, when I feel I will choke myself thinking why it has happened, is remember what my Mom told me - "We are too close to the picture to understand why anything happens. He knows what's best for us because only He can see the big picture."

Some one very close to me is going through a really tough time. It's extremely unfair and they don't deserve it, nobody does. Please keep them in your prayers and thoughts.

Bedroom fun!

This isn't what you think. I am not going to reveal funny stories (or any other story) of M & me from the "bedroom", not that anything funny has ever even happened. Really. No funny business. And before I completely bury myself into this self-dug-grave, let me start over. Remember I promised to bring you glimpses of my home, when I showed you my kitchen. Well, here's more of the series. Before I get into the "good" stuff, a lil background is in order - I am obsessive. Most of the time, my obsessions are short lived. But sometimes they become a part of me. That’s what has happened with me and my home.

These days (since several months), I obsess about my apartment being clean and organized. I love coming up with creative and less-expensive ideas to keep my home organized and make it more beautiful. Furniture is expensive in the US, and furniture shops (read ikea) are really far. It is impossible to buy stuff without spending a boat load of cash. It is even less possible to have it custom made, cos that might lead to bankruptcy. People DIY here. I was skeptical with the idea of it. Painting chairs myself? Are you kidding? But then I had some free time and nothing to do at one point in my life. I got into it, and have been in love with it ever since! I am still learning, but I love my projects (even the ones that failed).  This is one of the projects that I finished in April last year.

We had just moved to our new apartment in March and the older bedside tables (ikea lack table) were not working in this new space. I did not want to spend too much money buying new ones, cos well they are expensive (even $25/table makes it $50). I decided to wait and do some research, look at some pictures and see if I could think of a solution. I looked at this picture and loved the minimalist bedside shelves -

Source

I wanted to do something similar, and I took a trip to ikea (disclaimer: I just love the store, I don't get paid to write ikea so many times on my blog, though it wouldn't hurt :>). I was browsing through the store when I saw this - 

Source

I bought two of these at $6.99 each. Bought a stain color (can't remember which),  that matched our existing bed, a polyurethane can and a paint brush, all of which must have cost around $12. And then I went to work. I stained the box with at least 3 layers of stain between drying (it's a thin ply so it kept soaking up the stain) and two layers of polyurethane. At this site, I had read the tip of sanding between coats, which really worked. I hung them on each side, along with some cute lamps and ended up with this - 

Moving right on (past the crinkly bedsheet) - our bed does not have a headboard, cos when M bought this bed (it's his originally), for his "bachelor pad", he thought this one looked very manly (Men!). To add some color and interest I bought this, cos I love maps, this is what our bed area looks like now -

I love it! That fact that the bedside tables cost a total of $26, and the fact that I love them more cos I DIYed them adds to all the fun! :)

I have some favorite sites that I read everyday (like this, this, this and this), and they inspire me. These sites are also where I learned how to paint, decorate, organize etc (I didn't know the first thing about even holding a paint brush) and get most of my ideas here! The learning process continues and there is a long way to go. And these are my proud baby steps :)

That's all from my bedroom for now!

Everyday life and a beautiful thought

Yesterday evening I read this. When I went home I told M (in almost an accusatory tone of what have you done?) "You know one of the blogs I read, her boyfriend (now husband) came all the way from US to India for one day just so he could be with her on her birthday". M, completely understanding my implication, without a pause said "Don't you mean her boyfriend *went* all the way from US to India for one day just so he could be with her on her birthday"? 

And now that the daily dose of amusement from my life is over, this wonderful blogger (who also happens to be one of my coolest aunts) sent me this, saying she read this and thought of wishing us :) - 

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

Made my day!

Wordpress or Blogger?

I was trying out Wordpress today for fun. I moved all my posts there. I thought I would get so much more sophistication with Wordpress, but I really didn't. Or maybe I am just not used to it yet!

Also it seems to have screwed up the formatting of my blogger posts :(

I have a question to all the wordpress users out there - why do you use it? do you like it? what do you like about it?

I need heeelp!

Taking stock

I made a list of things to accomplish in my 10 day holiday, (which is now very very sadly coming to an end) and I want to thank the blogosphere, cos if it weren't for the fear of losing face in front of the blog world, I wouldn't have done even one of these. But I am proud to say that I was able to cross off a lot in this list. Let's see shall we?

1. Sew the button on M's jacket, fix the zipper on it too
It took me only 8 months and 15 minutes to finally do this!

2. Find and install a "devghar"
I was hoping to go to Target and get a small shelf to hang under the kitchen cupboards, but that never happened!

3. Buy a new mattress
Went to ikea and bought one, and also a new comforter (and a bunch of other stuff ;))

4. Finally donate the stack of books set aside to be donated a few months ago
Hopefully soon!

5. Finish painting letter 'S' and hang it somewhere
This too!

6. Figure out a way to DIY frames for inspirational cards I've been collecting, and find a place to hang them
Bought frames from ikea, cos they are so darn cheap there, and hung them too. The cards say - "Be Colorful", "It's a world of possibilities" and "Be Bright". All of these are marketing cards from AT&T, Vera Bradley, that I have been saving to frame and hang some inspiration around the home! I finally decided to hang them in the bedroom over the drawers.

This last one was a greeting card of some sort. It has Ganesha face on it, that I hung in kitchen! :)

7. Vaccum the entire house (yes, it's been a couple of weeks since I did that :( )
Done!

8. Craiglist some extra furniture lying around the house
Now just waiting for buyers to pour in!

9. Sleep a lot
I kind of went above and beyond on this one ;)


10. Go to the library and borrow some books and finish reading them
I cheated on this a lil bit, I borrowed from the digital libary, so didn't technically "go" anywhere and still reading the books -

11. Hang a clock in every room
I tried to do this one, and could not find the spare clocks I thought I had :(


12. Watch episodes of "The Dewarists"
I was too busy doing number 9 most of the time, never got to this one..haha


I did some other stuff too, that was not on my list - 
- Threw a New Year's Eve party at my place complete with the decorations and party hats!
- Made a photo wall for "the year that was" as a tribute to the first year of my marriage that ended yesterday (the first year, not the marriage). Yes, my anniversary is on January 1st. There are photos for each month signifying what we did that month. Everyone was really amused with it in the party!

- Celebrated my anniversary, by going to a nice Moroccan restaurant where we enjoyed - delicious food, some awkward moments cos a belly dancer came and danced at each table (mostly on my part, M & the dancer seemed very comfortable) and some mind-blowing music! We also went to a fondue place to enjoy some molten chocolate dipped goodies! During the day we enjoyed a 3-hour Siesta after partying till late the previous night! 
Sidenote - When I told one of my friends, she seemed disappointed with how we spent our day. I asked her, what did you think we would do, bunjee-jumping, and she said yea, something more exciting than dinner. Ahhh, the naivety of being single ;)
This is us, ready to go out and have fun - 

And here's the amazing belly dancer teaching me some moves - 

That's all from me to account for the holidays and the new year. All in all, I think they were very well spent! How was the new year's eve and the new year for you?