Block

I have nothing to write..I mean there are so many things I could write about, but I just can't. So I'll do what I have done so much during engineering viva's - pull out words out of my ass and talk, or in this case, write.

A couple of notable incidents happened last week. One being, ikea shopping and how!! We went there to shop for M as he's moved into his own room now. And we shopped our asses off!! I am big fan of ikea. It's a furniture & household stuff shop. You can just go there, and find every-frigging-thing, that you'll need in your house. The products may not be that sturdy, but they sure have a great display of it, which makes you want to buy them. No. Really. And considering how BIG it is, they manage it pretty well, save for some glitches here & there. I let M build his bachelor's room, with all black, blue stuff, and no colors. After all he did buy that bookcase to keep all my books! It was also the time, he drove a car in US for the first time. I have always seen couples(can't believe I just called us a "couple" indirectly tho it may be, I guess I am growing up, although it did panic me a little to do that!!) fight sitting in those two seats, the driver's & and the navigator's. And as M sucks at directions, I had a more than active role in giving directions :), we also tried. At least, I did by yelling & panicking & fretting more than once, but he only retaliated by singing more !! It was a fun date, and we survived a day of just each other. One down, some 20-odd-thousand more to go! :P

Another one, being (in case you've lost track there were two.... not one, but TWO notable incidents in my life last week, oh yea, I live on the edge, watcha gonna do???). So I was saying, the second incident being, a guy asked me out on the subway, on my way to work. So this is what happened - I got in the train & buried my face into the book, no not to sleep, to read, just like everyday. After some time I looked up and I see this white guy, dressed in an expensive looking suit, looking at me. I looked for a second or two then smiled at him politely thinking, he's never seen an Indian before (that's really really improbable, but I had not been awake for more than two hours, what do you expect!!), and again went back to my book. After some time I looked up again, to see him looking at me again, and smiling at me and waving a hi at me. (Oh yea I read like that, I read for some time & then take a break to think about what I just read, otherwise I get absorbed enough to miss my stop!). So now, this is not new, I have seen many people do that, friendly that they are, I did not think anything odd about it. I only got a little excited thinking he might be working in some fancy bank, and started picturing forwarding my resume to him some time in the future:P. He caught up with me on the next platform of my transfer-stop, and started talking to me. Considering what I had been picturing in my head, I too spoke with him very politely. We exchanged names, and that's it. We got into the next train & I went back to my book, only to be interrupted in two minutes by a hand placing a card in my book. He says to me, "here's a lil bookmark for your book". I go in my head, "lol!". And then he continues, "Would you like to go for dinner with me?". I sense that everybody in the compartment is watching us, but before I can stop myself, I blurt out a loud, "No!". Yea yea I know next time I'll be a little less cruel. He seems shocked, surprised as if he expected me to jump at the opportunity.(Men!). I tried to return his card to him, but he insisted asking me to think about it and call him. I was laughing right in his face, not knowing what to do! Thankfully my stop came & I got off the train, after saying bye to him! I checked the card, and it turns out he owns/works at "Sleepy's". LOL! So much for forwarding my resume! Though now I can think about getting some discount there at the price of looking pretty and going for dinner with him! :P

Awaiting me now, is a long week of putting together, all the stuff we bought from ikea. Its like building lego. Considering that's not one of M's skills, and I like everything my way, I'll be happily hammering & screwing & trying to fit things, while he (hopefully) cooks delish prawns for us :)

Later!

The perfect vacation...

is all about....

.....some delicious food & alcohol... :)

































.....and some beautiful landscape...





















.....and some great time with friends....





















.....also some alone time "alone" & "with M"..... ;)












.....obviously incomplete without some getting lost....





















......and then finally "pwn"ing the trek...










....with some "dangerous" stunts(not by me!)












and living in a beautiful abode & traveling in a sexy car....











Acadia Trip. Memorial Day Long Weekend 2009.
May 23, 2009 - May 25, 2009.

LOL

Meaning of my name acc to Urban dictionary

Later! :)

To make a relationship work

So, soon it will be a year of me being in a relationship. A second one. Not that I am proud of admitting I have been in more than one, but neither am I repentant about it, obviously. Sometimes things just don't work out. And I consider myself really really lucky to have found somebody, again.

So what makes it work, or not work?
From what I have learned till now, hiding you feelings, drowning your voice in lieu of not hurting the other one, and not giving yourself the due importance you own, NEVER works. And even though it seems like it, it wasn't so obvious for me.

So, if you are looking to absolutely not make it work(for what reason, I don't care), follow this religiously -
1. Suffocate the other one, by instructions, nagging, and questioning them on their thoughts, actions, hobbies, habits.
2. Try to change them, by telling them to goto gym, making them listen to your type of music, making them watch your type of movies, making them do what you like, making them eat what you like, making them wear what you like, asking them to change their values and pretty much mold them into what you want, and don't care if they lose their individuality and happiness meanwhile! You got what you want, who cares!
3. Insult & fight with them, over things they do differently. Mock their values, and thoughts. Ridicule their opinions.
4. Completely ignore what they like.
5. Give priority to everybody except them.
6. Don't trust them! Display your distrust, in public!
7. Also make sure to make no sacrifices for them, what-so-ever.
8. Doubt their capabilities, and do NOT show support & encouragement in difficult times.
9. Discuss your relationship problems with everybody but them.
10. Most importantly, keep pretending that things are going fine!

On the other hand, if you do want it to work, some things, which at least for me are really important are -
- Give each other the due space, not just in life, but in habit, way of life, hobby, activities.
- Give each other the freedom of thought & opinion.
- Respect each others' opinions, and learn to live with them, if possible learn to love & appreciate the beauty of difference.
- Take time to show your appreciation of this difference in thoughts, habits, hobbies, by adapting it once in a while. (for girls - if it means cracking fart-jokes, do it!) (for guys - if it means shopping whole day, go for it!)
- Learn to love, show-off your affection, even in public. (I never had to learn this, tho! :P)
- Learn to assert and put your foot down, for your loved one, even in front of your family, if need be.
- Appreciate the little sacrifices, you both make for each other. I always thought only the girl suffers on the friendship front with her girlfriends, but I realised, so does the guy with his friends.

Apart from the above and some other obvious ones like trust, faith etc etc....it also takes a lot of patience. No two people are same. Can never be. Learn to love the things you don't like about them. Learn to be patient. Also, the thing that is most needed, and almost always ignored, is reassurance. And its needed by both, not just the girl.

I swear I did not pick this out of Cosmo, but I sure do sound like it. And even though these have been iterated time & again, I felt I wanted to note them down. I don't know if a year is enough to judge where a relationship stands. I guess if you are happy, then you are good.

I just want to tell you M, that I am very happy (touch wood) with you. I love you. And I love your singing too, just don't land us behind bars for it, and we'll be good! :D I know we started off roughly, but since then you have made sure we don't sway :). I know and you know, how paranoid I was(sometimes I still am), how difficult it is for you sometimes to shrug off my past, how angry your past actions make me still, but despite all of this we have lasted almost a year(about a month short)!! Yaay for us!! It does not scare me to say that I want to see many more milestones with you. No wait, I am EXCITED to see them!! And also, love you for always always putting my interest before yours. And also being patient with me, with all my tantrums & complaints! And finding me beautiful & sexy when I myself don't feel like it. And wanting to know me inside out, beyond & above anyone has ever ventured to know. And trying to do that. And dreaming for me, dreaming for us. And....so much more....!

Also, stop goofing around and finish "The Kite Runner". And teach me Tennis. Also don't question me about this post. Cos with us, we have an edge due the natural chemistry we share! :)

And lastly - touch wood, touch wood, touch wood!!

For you -

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose,
There's my territory

- Shakira, "Underneath your clothes"

Edited to add - No more "happy anniversary, awww" mushy comments please :) they are just umm..too mushy!! Saurabh you were the first one so you are excused!! Comments on the rest of it, most welcome :)

Say No To Corrupt Ministers

The Times of India
May 21,2009

Readers will recall that this paper, through its Lead India initiative, ran a sustained and hard-hitting ‘Say No To Criminals’ campaign in the run-up to the elections. It was therefore with a modest sense of vindication that we reported in our special election edition of May 17 that the Indian voter had given candidates with criminal records a resounding thumbs down.

The time has come to also say no to corruption. The strongest signal Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh can send out to venal netas and their babus is to pack the cabinet with honest and efficient men and women. Let us not continue with ministers who have so brazenly bled the system. The clean-up needs to start at the top. How can we blame the pitiably paid traffic constable or the lowly government clerk for trying to make a buck on the side when their big bosses—be they politicians or bureaucrats—are making a million times more? Corruption has become endemic. Worse, and this is the really sad part, we have come to accept it as a way of life. The fact is, corruption penalizes the honest, distorts important decisions and policies, weakens the moral fibre of a society, and, most grievous of all, robs the really needy. In the extreme, it compromises the safety and security of our country and our people and is therefore as anti-national as an act of terror.

The people of India have given the Prime Minister and the Gandhis a historic opportunity to make a difference. Manmohan’s refusal to back down from the nuclear deal and Rahul’s insistence on soldiering on solo in UP proves they are made of sterner stuff than they were credited with. Keeping out the dishonest is not going to be easy—especially with nominees of Congress’s allies in the UPA—but good governance is also about taking hard, unpopular decisions that fly in the face of political expediency. It’s time we jettisoned our politics of cynicism for a politics of conscience. We are aware that the pundits will laugh this off as the naivete of the hopelessly idealistic, and say “that’s not how the system works”. But change comes because someone somewhere has the courage of conviction—no matter how foolish—to tilt at windmills.

Wow...I am so happy, I am not alone who thinks like this...
The change WILL come! :)

Random at its peak...

So...for a while now, I have not updated my blog with a detailed post. Partly(here comes the usual whining!!) because I have been so lazy(ha ha..got you there!) and partly cos, I have been a little busy with the semester(and this was the whiny part for those who are confused!)...

Anyhow..I am right now on a summer internship, which also keeps me busy most of the week...and weekends are a fast-paced blur of - movies, drinking, dining....! I want to say that it was a good sem, cos well it really was. I took up good & interesting courses...and learned a lot of new things. I spent most of the semester in the library, and I did not sleep most nights..which does not mean I slept less..cos I more than made up for it during the day sleep! :P

I wondered more than once during the semester, why do they make these courses so darn difficult that there is no place left in life other than studies??I mean there was always something to do..there was never a time when I would sit back for a couple of days knowing all my pending work is done and the new work is gonna come not so soon. No way sir....before I had finished the current work..there was always more piling up!! I then decided, that all the teachers in the world have at some point in time, decided to make life as busy as possible for us students, so that....well I don't know what purpose it serves...if I knew, I wouldn't have been questioning it...right?In any case..it sucks!

Speaking of which, as soon as the summer started, I went online and ordered a bunch of books I planned to read in the summer. I could not read even one new book during the semester..though I did manage to read Jeffrey Archer's Cat O'Nine Tales again :). And now since two weeks of alleged summer/spring have passed us by(though it barely feels like summer here in Boston..damn!) I am happy to announce, that I have already checked one book off the list, which being - Wuthering Heights. And also sad to add that I did not like it at all :(. I mean, I am all for classic love stories(I love love love Pride & Prejudice), but this is not one of them. And the lesser said about it the better. Maybe its me..I was expecting too much..and the least I expect when I read a love story is to like and relate to the protagonists, and this one failed to arouse either emotion in me. Forget liking, I couldn't even sympathize with them. Oh well...! So after that I started reading this book called The Time Traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger , another love story which seems really good till now. At least once you get past the fact that it involves time traveling. More updates once I finish it, and I am quite expectant of this one.

And I saw Angels & Demons the movie, this Friday. I was excited to see it, as this book was one of my favs! And I am glad to say that I was more than happy with the outcome. I know many people who have read the book say they did not like it, but I would say that this time they managed to take the best & the most relevant parts of the book and made a good nice movie out of it. Yes he took some liberty to change many parts, but I think it all comes together really well. And as much as I hate to admit, I liked the ending of the movie more than the book's. Ok ok...for those who haven't seen it yet, I will not say anything further. Go watch it for yourself, and let me know what you think!

Over the weekend I also decided to learn to drive and get a license, cos as much as I hate driving, I think I would like to have the freedom to zoom off to long drives, without having to depend on someone. It's going to take a little time, but I will do it.

And next weekend, it being a long weekend, I am off to Acadia National Park with some friends. It looks promising, we have booked a cottage, and we are obviously going to buy a lot of food & alcohol! And I've heard that its beautiful out there...

Later!

Just came online to declare...

...I am drunk and happy!! :)

Haaaa!!!

Feels so good.... :)

I like putting smileys :)

I put them in professional emails too :)

:) :) :)

I love this song...It portrays what I feel in love...fast..slow..fast..slow..and a sweet feeling in my heart....I'm loving it.....(touch wood!!)

Later!

Visual DNA...apparently :P

The latest new here is...

Currently reading - Wuthering Heights...
Currently eating - A lot more times at home than before!
Currently sleeping - Little..no make that a lot less than I would like..
Currently drinking - Only water most of the times to avoid extra calories..
Currently feeling - Lost & forlorn...

Good things -
- Good grades
- Have a job in this economy
- Have people around me who love me a lot

Bad things -
- Miss someone a lot
- Miss my old job
- Still can't fit into size 2

What about you??

~Me & my cons~

- I feel jealous very very quickly and easily.
- I am very very possessive when it comes to some people and in a bad way.
- I am not good at maintaining personal relationships.
- I am anti-social, in a big big way.
- I don't remember dates, names OR faces.
- I have very very bad memory.
- I lack sensitivity intuition BIG time.
- I can't talk to people unless they talk to me.
- Which means I can't talk to most people.
- I can NEVER talk about my feelings without feeling awkward.
- I hate feeling awkward.
- Hence I almost NEVER talk about my feelings.
- I hate melodrama.
- And yet ironically my best friends are very dramatic! (not a cons just a fact to note).
- I talk too frankly and bluntly(edited from "sharply" as suggested by someone), which almost always hurts people who are close to me. I don't want to change that about me, but I really think I should.
- I am a very confused person when it comes to most things.
Added these as suggested by the same someone-
- I have double standards

Later!

PS: This is not an exhaustive list. More to come later.

Found a quote...

...related to the previous post and mood -
"When you are through changing, you are through."
- Bruce Barton

I don't know what the title should be!

Disclaimer: This is most impromptu post I've ever written.

Today marks the birthday of 2 closest friends. One goes a long long way back, some seven years, and another just two. And yet, I feel I have lived a lifetime with both of them. Seen so many ups and downs...and today I am just glad, to still have them around.

But when I look back, from the time I came to US, life has changed so rapidly in just a span of two years, that its almost impossible to catchup with it and cope. So many friendships made, broken, mended....and some just remain in a limbo...Or maybe I am just in denial of them being broken.

When I try and evaluate, I cannot help but wonder, when did it become so difficult to make and maintain friendships? When did it become a thing that came naturally to me, to a thing that I find myself struggling with today? When did I turn into an anti-social being who cannot keep even two steady friends in life? Or am I just over-reacting?

My mind is just going crazy with questions right now!!
uuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! I hate it!

An excerpt from..

...something I had to read for this presentation...
"Hindsight can sometimes see the past clearly—with 20/20 vision. But the path of what happened is so brightly lit that it places everything else more deeply into shadow.."

Another proof...

...of how desperate the situation is...!

Feeling blue...

Soche dil ki aisa kaash ho,
Tujhko ek nazar meri talash ho,
Jaise khwab hai ankhon mein basse meri,
Waise neendon pe silvate pade teri...

It's incredible...

...How sometimes we ourselves can't take the same kind of treatment we give others...!

Judgments...

...have been made on me, by people who barely know me, and they have not hesitated to point them out openly. And obviously, they were not pleasant. As much as I try, I can't shrug it off. I am feeling bad. Maybe the reason is that, I never show my judgments to anybody. And I let people walk over me a little. Will try and stop doing that. Just for the record, to all those who judged me w/o knowing me, or without thinking how I would feel, f**k you, and may you rot in hell!!
I feel a lil better already...phew :)

Fighting with yourself...

Isn't that something, that all of us do, or are made to do, at one point or another. I have seen it closely, a little too closely. Day in and day out, living with yourself, and hating yourself. It's not nice. So many people, so many relationships, so many conflicts and so many milestones. Some good. Some bad. Some trivial. Some crucial. Some not given so much as a thought even. And some, pondered, wondered, churned over till your insides felt they would bleed. So many thoughts, so many doubts. So many opinions, and so many judgments to face. In the end, all you can do is buckle up good, believe in yourself, and love yourself, just like you loved that beautiful pair of shoes, which gives you the worst of sores but the best of compliments? After all, who knows whether what happened was good or bad? After all, isn't all we do, is only obey a command from up, up above? Then why hate yourself. Then why fight yourself. And why believe what people think of you? Why not believe what you want to, and move on to new horizons? Why not make new memories and erase the bad ones? Why not just stop fighting with fate, life and most importantly yourself? Why not just enjoy the here and now? Why not?

What the hell is going on?

Well for one, I'm back in school. And may I just say - it sucks! Whoever said, student life is the best time of your life, obviously did not do their masters in US of A, that too in a period of recession. Its back to the world of assignments, and deadlines, and working even after 6 in the evening. Sometimes even overnight! But its okay, this too shall pass, and I think sooner than I want it to.

On a different note, the reason why that title appears so strong is because, I'm freaked, appalled almost, at the thought of how old I am getting. I feel old because everyone around me is either getting engaged or married. It's just too much. I am still a kid. How are girls my age even thinking of getting married already??!! Now this seems like a controversy, right? I think I'm a kid, and I am feeling old. But thats the thing, I know I am a kid. But all these happenings around me make me think, something's terribly wrong with me, which in most cases is not a very pleasant thought to have. So....thats the other things thats going on!

But all in all, I am (dare I even say it?) happy. Cool with my life as of now. (Touchwood!!)
:)

Peace.

"Hello Ditcher!"

Said my friend on the phone, when I called to ask her when we all roomies were going for dinner? Agreed I was late. I had a date with "someone", and I had told them I'll join them after I meet him. And in all fairness to everybody(and mostly to me ;)) I did plan the date thing way before this dinner plan came up. And I tried to make it there too. And I did, although a half hour late than the suggested time of turning up!

All I'm asking is, why am I the ditcher?? If I said no to my plan with him, I would be as much of ditcher there as I was being called here. Then, why? Why is it that a girl has to choose and be a ditcher at some place. Why can't she rely on both parties to understand and co-operate since obviously they are both important to her, and she tries her best to be with both. Just that, there are some things like existential crisis, when it comes to existing in two places at the same time, which is not really covered under the wide arena of capabilities that humans possess. Why is it even an "issue" I don't understand. And in all fairness (to me) I will do as I wish, and I shouldn't have to answer anybody. Because I have learned it the hard way, doing what you don't want to do, never makes you even one bit happy.

So to all girlfriends out there, in both senses of being one to a guy and being one to girls(and I don't mean this in a lesbian sort of way, for all you perv-minded) - please do as you please, cos when it comes to being happy, nothing else can make you as happy, and please cut your friends some slack, its hard enough trying to balance a life with boyfriend and friends, but don't make her choose between the two. Don't put her through it. Remember it could be you too!

Peace!

God save the Wall Street!!

“This disparate treatment, unappealing as it is, appears unavoidable,” Mr. Bernanke said(about pouring hundreds of billions of more taxpayer dollars into financial companies — especially when other industries were getting the cold shoulder.) “Our economic system is critically dependent on the free flow of credit.”

And still they send me atleast 2 mails of free credit cards, every month! What is with these guys?? Do they act dumb, or are they just plain that!

Gawd!

With nothing to do...

This is what happens, a rediscovery -

1. I am very forgetful, and I am really really bad at remembering important dates including birthdays, anniversaries and such more.

2. I am really bad at remembering names too.

3. I find cute bartenders, well....really cute.

4. I love my family till the point of being unreasonable with others to make them happy.

5. I love shoes.

6. I am going to get a tattoo someday, but not just yet, cos I feel I'm not ready for it yet.

7. I also am going to get a degree in literature someday.

8. I like New York in general, but absolutely love it only with one person :)

9. I really love fruit martinis.

10. And I love writing about me... :P

Realising once again...

....how mean people are.....and more so when in a position of power or have an upper hand! And once again depressed, how hopeless the world seems.....You know when it feels like you can't take it anymore...Just can't put up with it....And wondering, if this will ever end?

You know...

The reason it hurts so much to be apart is because our souls are connected.

Is it?

She should have seen it coming. It was building up like a climax scene in a play. There were his friends. And there was lamb curry, his favorite. And there was this entire two whole days of missing him and trying not to. And there was this entire movie having been watched that afternoon, where every scene, all she could think of was - "what would he say in this scene, how would he mock aamir khan here" and then smile secretly imagining how funny it would have been. Having spent the entire movie wincing at the gory shots, wishing he was there to put his arm around her, so that she could bury her head in his shoulders and didn't have to watch them. So is it really weird that after such a day she started crying the moment she heard his voice, miles away from India calling only to tell her that he loves her and misses her a lot??!!
Is it??

Will you be free for dinner tonight?

The SMS said. From him. I waited 6 years for it before I stopped waiting. Another 3 have passed since then. I moved on. Long back. Don't believe me? Well you have no choice..do you? Anyway...we are friends. Always have been. Except for that brief period that I thought we were something more than friends. And upon asking I was bluntly told it wasn't so. "I never thought that way about you." Okay. Fair enough. Then why the fuck were we acting/talking/behaving the way two people do only when they fancy each other? For more than a month? Talking everyday and every night till very late. Till I tried to confirm things were what I thought they were. Or god knows how long that might have gone on. I don't feel anything for him. But I still feel very much cheated. Even today. Still feel angry at myself and him. As angry as I felt then. As humiliated. Even after these many years. But I still am going to take up this invitation. The hurt & innocent teenager inside me is very much tempted to stand him up. Make him feel at least fraction of the pain that I felt. But I know I couldn't do this to him or to anybody for that matter.

So. I'm going to say yes to an invitation I longed to receive years ago and which now, doesn't have any more effect on me than watching an ant crawl. And try to purge my heart of the anger, not cos I forgive him but only cos any of my emotions are not worth that ass of a guy whom I still consider a friend.

PS: I still think of him as a friend. Just wanted to get this off my chest. I didn't think it would come out so strongly when I started writing. Thought I was just documenting the odd ironies of life. Oh well! :)

Dedicated to my most faithful albeit mute reader

Thank you. I don't know anybody else who reads my blog as regularly as you do. Nobody else motivates me and encourages me to write(this being just one of the millions of things you encourage me for) like you do. And you even remember to strategically mention my posts in our conversations. You never comment, and I don't think you ever should, cos thats what(one of the things but not limited to it) makes you stand apart and oh-so-special! I like the mystery, I like the excitement of writing something and waiting to see if you have read it. May I say just how much it means to me? It means more to me than a hundred dinners, a thousand gifts, and a million surprises. I hope you get what I am trying to say, oh but wait, you get it sometimes without even me having to say it.So I am not worried...I am now, only waiting to hear what you have to say about this very post.

And ya...thank you, for being you :)

What women want?

PS: Wrote this a long time back too. I think - 01/03/2008. Thoughts still the same on this one though as opposed to this.

For years men have been asking the question - What women want?
Do you know why men still have not found an answer to it? Because it's frigging wrong question to ask in the first place! The question is not what women want.....the real question is what is it that the woman wants?

I myself never gave this even so much of a fleeting thought before...Why did I think about it now? Because I started wondering what is it that I want? I started talking to my friends, what is it that they wanted? I realized its all different. Not only is it different, it is also dependent on who the guy is. Interestingly, expectations keep changing as the focus changes. [I don't think this is that true though, basic needs of a woman (with a huge emphasis on A or THE WOMAN, for all those guys who read this - never generalize with women) never change].

Have fun! ;)

Why is it not enough?

Written on - 03/29/2008
Disclaimer: Been sitting on my computer for too long. Tis high time it saw the day light. These were my thoughts in March. My thoughts changed drastically in June. Will soon udate why, how and what of that in another post.

I am sitting here in Au Bon Pain, a snack/lunch/dinner cafe, something of a bistro(w/o the wine!). A beautiful dusk, but cold and windy. And I have a project to work on (ugghhh...so what else is new?). But obviously, here I am writing this post looking all important and consumed in my work ;). I look around. Groups of people sitting everywhere. Only one couple. And even they don't look like stereotypical couples. Most are with friends. Probably 60-70% of them are single too. ( I can't tell, really, I don't think there's anyway to tell, but I am just estimating for my own benefit :)).

Then why is it that most of us (read - each and every one of us) is looking for that someone special. We have wonderful friends, busy lives, things to do. Why do we even need that kind of shit? My friend happens to think, that when we look around we see people, with each other, all sappy, lovey-dovey and I'm-there-for-you-baby; and it rubs off you as a little something called "longing". I happen to disagree. I have no idea why, but I can't stand couples getting cozy around me. It somehow seems like an act of showing off . I rather look up to couples, who can just look at each other, and they know what the other one is thinking, without actually having to ...ummm.....demonstrate!! Okay, jokes apart, isn't that what we call chemistry, the sheer attraction between two people, who only they can feel and understand, and others can only feel there's something, but can't put a finger on exactly what it is. Alright....coming back from our little digression there (Clap Clap!!Snap back to reality!), the point I was trying to put forth was, even if you don't see such things around you, there's a little part in everybody which is searching, looking, seeking!

Is it companionship? kinship? security? comfort? having someone to praise you on those bad-hair days? :D or just having someone?
What is it that induces us to feel the way we do? And what should one do when struck by it? Fight it? Embrace it? Act upon it? Or just ignore it?

Any answers??

When I heard about the siege in Mumbai,it was mid-day in office and I was shocked but only a little, with the recent happenings, I thought this is another one of those, although distressed(I can't believe I am saying this) I was not, well, as shocked and devastated by it right away. But what followed has appalled me to the core, and more than that I am ashamed to admit that we as a country failed to deal with it as well as one would have expected. Especially being in a foreign country, where I meet people from all nationalities, and yet I have not discussed this with any of them, because I don't have any justification for how bad & irresponsible India looks on world map today!

Some of the things that more-than-bothered me were -

- If the gunmen can enter a hotel like Taj or Oberoi, from as simple a place as a back door, in what capacity do these places call themselves five stars or whatever when people carrying guns and ammunitions can just walk inside?

- Why is the police(which is the primary and major security force of a country) still carrying those ancient weapons which are now only suitable to be placed in the museum?

- Why is the media of our country allowed to/showing live telecast of how the NSG is trying to attack the terrorists? Didn't it strike anybody that, if I sitting here in America can view it live, so can the people instructing those gunmen over the satellite phones, thus not only putting them a step ahead of us always, but also endangering the very lives of these forces? How difficult is it to be a responsible media in such times of crisis, or is having the highest TRPs the only thing people understand these days? Shouldn't this basic lesson of morality and common sense be taught to reporters & journalists that they may be here to enlighten general public, but they should not become an hindrance in security operations at the very least, and definitely not aid the terrorist through some foolish act such as this?

- Is resignation of a handful of ministers really going to solve anything? Is taking your son and a filmmaker to a site so grave has only a punishment of being made to resign almost at the end of your term?

- Why is the financial capital of our country even after being hit so many times, still not been provided with the kind of security services it should be?

- And now, when it is over, why do I have this sinking feeling in my heart that just like before this too shall be pursued for a month by the media and general public before being abandoned/forgotten/given up on, till something even worse strikes?

Even as I write this, I am tempted to end this post right here, at the questions and not go on to write the cliched - 'I still have hopes for a better tomorrow, cos from inside I feel utterly hopeless, maybe cos I am sitting so far away from my motherland, doing 'something' becomes even more difficult, although I cannot imagine, what is it that I could have done if I was there. But, still, my undying hope and faith in my country does not allow me such despairing thoughts, and so thus I reiterate what millions of bloggers have written across the web - There's still hope. We can make a difference. Let's show them their place. Lets do it. Lets strive for a more secure and beautiful future!

Amen!

Read this...

...in the gym, while on stepper. Yes, yes, I am finally facing the truth that the extra cushion under my skin which so comforting to sleep in, especially if you are sleeping on a sleeping bag every night, is not so comforting to the eyes, or the clothes, which are now ready to burst at seams and scream "Horror!!", at being tortured by forcing my chubby self into them size 2 clothes, where yours truly is now somewhere between 4 and 6. (Actually 6, but latest shopping has seen me in denial and buying only size 4 clothes which at least spells healthy rather than huge.)

Anyway, it made a good read and also enabled me to work those 5 min more and lose another 20 calories to hit 200!

The Top 20 Things Oprah Knows for Sure

Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, "What do you know for sure?" and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn't come up with an answer, I've never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I'm always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, in honor of our tribute to the subject, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)

2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.

13. Let passion drive your profession.

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over.

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.

18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)

So thanks, Gene, for asking me the question. The answer continues…

You can find the article here.

Can't believe...

This is still happening! :(

The sad saga of the phone(s)!

To be really honest, this post is an outcome of my irritation, frustration, aggravation, vexation and some more 'tions', which were caused by mishaps surrounding the said phone, which incidentally and not surprisingly, was mine!!

So, it all started with, me deciding to take my phone with me while I was jogging(ahem!). And me deciding to wear tracks which didn't have pockets(what the f*** was I thinking!?). And then me deciding my hair was not tied quite right and was an obstruction while running(Well, I was running on a track lined with cute guys!!!). Since this task requires both my hands, I decided the best bet would be hold my phone in my mouth(!!!!!!). And then the Lord above decided, that's it sweetheart, you don't get to decide anymore. And He decided, to drop my phone in to the frigging river by the side of which this track is!!!! Which resulted into me going without a phone for a week...the first time.
Yes it happened again. And again.

The next time I had to go without a phone for a week was when I forgot my charger in another city, assuming my second charger from the visarjanofied phone is still at home, only coming home to discover that I cannot discover it!!! It has disappeared from the face of earth, and the police is still looking for it!

And then now, again I am abandoned by my phone, which, one fine evening decided to just power off and die. Forever. And then AT&T decided they couldn't decide whether I did fall into the 30-day bracket for phone replacement or not, resulting in me visiting them multiple times with no phone.

Why? Why me???

Currently listening to...

quite repeatedly...!
Me thinks Madonna looks hot despite hitting 50(Who would believe that!). Her attitude and her walk and her voice....like it all! Don't care much about Justin Timberlake though... :|
What say you?

Just a thought...

I think I'd rather be caught with bad hair than with bad shoes!!!

Lost innocence or changed for better?

Recently one of my close friends came to US, just like I had only a year back. She and I similar in more than one ways, to the extent that, sometimes I see my thoughts being spoken by her, without me having to say them. So when I was talking to her when she had just arrived, I found myself saying - yea I used to think the same way or yea I used to say that too more times than I would have liked. Many times when I found her thinking in a particular way which was naive and emotional, I immediately gave her harsh dose of reality which nobody had given me. I realized I was as innocent then. And I learned things the harder way. I didn't even notice I was doing that untill she pointed out after a month or so, that yea some things happened, and I thought of you like how you had warned me against it. I realized then I need to stop. i need to stop this subconscious effort of warning her that what she sees now is completely different from what it will be a year from now. And although it is a hard and staggering reality to digest, it is still better to deal with such shocks as they come, than being warned about them a year in advance...

But in the light of all this I can't ignore the fact that i have evidently changed so much. And when I see me now, a completely different me compared to only year back, I can't help but wonder - along the way did I lose my innocence or did I change for better?

Random thought....

Sometimes, a simple thing like reading a newspaper can make you realize how deeply connected you are to your roots, to the place where you grew up and spend more than 2 decades of your life.

I was reading news - New York Times. And then I opened the ePaper version of The Times of India. And then I read the entire paper for an hour. I went through every article, every small news about India. I suddenly realized, I don't even care what I read in New York Times sometimes, but I was actually reacting to the news here. I was feeling happy, sad, irritated, relieved and many other emotions sitting so far away from India. I felt nostalgic, sad and longed to be back. Its' not perfect - what with Amitabh Bachchan visiting Tirupati making a breaking news for a week - its definitely far from perfect.

It's....well it's just home....and is beyond adjectives like these!!

Few realizations of late!

- Carpe diem. Seize the day. Seize the moment. This moment, this time will never come in your life again. Be the moment sad or happy, live it to the fullest, you may never get a chance to feel it again!

- Always do what you want. You can never be happy doing something that others want you to do. Doing what you want will make you happy.

- Say 'No' if you want to. It's prfectly OK to say no. There's never a reason to feel guilty in exercising the right of saying no.

- Do not let others walk all over you. Ever. No matter who they are.

- Just go with the flow in life. Stop thinking or worrying about future. It NEVER helps.

Real Life or Fairy Tale?

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was given a choice. A choice of living in the fairy tale or real life. I don’t remember what I chose. But when I woke up I was very confused. What would I choose? What would anyone choose? I discussed this with my friends. One of them agreed with me, that the real life is too real sometimes. Sometimes we need those fairy tale moments just to reinforce our beliefs. But given a choice would we choose to abandon the real world and go live in a fairy tale? A place where there are difficulties to overcome, battles to be fought, combination of good and bad people to deal with; just like our world. But there’s also an end to it all. There’s also the magic potion, the handsome prince charming, and the funny friend always standing by your side! And most importantly there is ALWAYS “a happily ever after”. And there I thought I had my answer. Obviously yes!

But somewhere inside, I was not satisfied. It’s the damned beliefs I tell ya! Even though here, it was the belief in my own world. Despite that I come to hate it so much sometimes, the fact that it was my own to hate, was not allowing me to let go of it so easily, even in my post, even fictionally! I wondered why it was so difficult to accept an easy choice? Because we are trained to distrust the easier options? Or was there some other catch? I kept thinking, not just for hours, but for a good couple of days (wow, I really must care after all, think of all the time I spent thinking for the world I don’t even like most of the times!!). And then like a brick it hit me right in the head! ‘Seeing stars in broad daylight’ excluded (Sorry to disappoint you all!). The catch is – A fairy tale is good for only one person, the main character! It’s nice and happy in the end only for the Snow Whites, the Cinderellas, and the Shreks. What if, you are one of the dwarfs, or the ugly sister, or god forbid the Donkey!! And that’s the best thing about real world. We may not have magic potions, but we do have support of our family and friends which gives more strength than any magic potion. We may still have to deal with good and bad people and have battles to fight, but we know it’s all manageable. And there is no single happy ending, but there are many happy pauses, which work just as well, sometimes even better! And most importantly, in real life, you are the main character, the hero, the star of your story! For better or for worse!

Sayonara!

The Break-up

Yesterday, I got to thinking about relationships, any kind of relationship, and how there's always a break-up involved. If not anything else, it’s the "till death do us part" and the death does do people apart, and hence my point - There is always a break-up involved.

It’s sad and difficult and mind-crunching and stomach-twisting. And more so, if the break-up is the kind which we generally take it to be. A "break-up" break-up is without a doubt the most difficult phase of the relationship. And yes, most definitely it is as much the part of the relationship as the “flirting”, “going-out” or “being-there” is. As long as there's an emotion connecting two people, I believe, there's still a relationship, a thin string attached. And break-up is the last, the longest and the most painful emotion that two people share. And probably that is why it is so long and painful, because it is the tribute to everything shared before, a silent and sad eulogy, because this is where you can remember everything except the reason why you broke up. And yet somewhere deep down you just know you have to keep going, because there's no turning back after this.

I heard somewhere that it takes half the time of the duration of the relationship, to completely get over it. I don't know if it’s true. But this, I know - It may be possible to get over a relationship but it is next to impossible to get over a person. How do you just forget the one person, who was so important once, that you gave him all the right and the power to hurt you and make you happy or sad by his mere words? You may take him out of your life, but you cannot take him out of your heart, your mind. There will be a place in your heart reserved only for him, forever. There will always be a part of your heart, a small corner, where his memories will be locked up. That place in your mind, where you can happily remember him, and someday accept him to be as a painful, yet an exquisitely beautiful past, something that you will cherish for the rest of your life, something that nobody can take away, not even his own self if at all your paths happen to cross again.

And all there is, is the hope to reach there someday, that place, that state of mind, where one can happily think of the past as something worthwhile, something that gave a chance to give as much as receive, something that will always be enlaced in heart's deepest corners as a delicate memory to be treasured till the end of the eternity.

A hope for the end that is not bitter. Anymore.

Yes, it does!

Yes....Trust DOES have an expiry date. Mine just came for the certain individual whom I had addressed a few posts back.
At this point I almost feel cynical, and determined not to trust again.....ever!
But that's not the point, I just wanted to answer the question I asked.

Later!

Does trust have an expiry date?

Trust....something which I've always known, but believe that its now, that I've truly understood what it means.Or atleast I "trust" that I am in the process of understanding it :). Here, so far from home and close ones, you truly understand what it is that people are and how difficult it is to find the right people. And when I say right people, I mean right for you. Because,everybody is nice, but you may not find them so, only because of the circumstances. Maybe they are just not right for you. Maybe the time is not right yet.

So how do you figure out who the right people are? I guess you just know. Just like you know which dress to buy, when you see it(Though constrains like "money in the bank account" may actually stop you from buying it ;) ). I've realized after coming here, that there are so very few people in this world whom you can really trust. And then I started wondering, does even trust like every other emotion (sparing a bare few) have an expiry date. Of course, you can never stop trusting your parents, even siblings you may not trust for some reason but parents you can never not trust. I am talking about the trust which exists between two people out of bloodlock(if there exists such a term:)).

Does that have an expiry date, like you know for example canned milk, and like how it just ceases to be fit to drink after its expiry date. Just like that does even trust cease to exist between two people one day? When the relationship becomes sour, and when you just cant take anymore of it. You just have to throw it away. Or maybe cos the other person decides its time to not care about the trust anymore.

And if there exists a date like this, who defines it and how do you find out what it is?

I want to break free...

You left without a second glance
It all happened as if in a trance
I don't want to be trapped in an emotion
Pull me out, I am sinking into oblivion

Trust me!

In the recent turn of events in my life, I started trusting somebody, only after knowing them a couple of weeks. And then I came to my senses with a jerk.

And yet again, started asking questions -
How long before you start trusting someone? Should there be a time period defined, like they do while hiring, a 6 month probation period before full-time trust? Should you trust your gut-feeling, or should you listen to your brain?

I think sometimes, you just trust someone because at that moment you just want to trust that person, for this need to trust someone, because you are feeling so vulnerable. I got to discussing this with my friend, and she thought that sometimes strangers can be better listeners and maybe its for the best that you trust someone at that moment.

My dear not-a-stranger-anymore,
If you ever read this and understand that it is for you, I trusted you because I believed there was chemistry between us, there was a spark, and thankfully you have done nothing to break my trust yet.
But its best for me to break away from the shackles of vulnerability, where I give you the power to hurt me.
I think it will take a while before I am okay with giving you that power.
-Me

Later!

Sanity is a curse!

Dear Diary,

We had a party today. The three namesake houses that are considered as one. I always feel lonely at parties, uncomfortable in a group of people whom I don't know properly, to whom I can't say more than 3 sentences. Today I felt that exaggerated feeling of loneliness and emptiness inside me. With a room full of people, all drunk, all insane in their own world, swaying to music, dancing madly, and doing what their heart wanted. All I wanted to do was run, run away to my sane world, the world I know, the world of soberness. I don't drink. Not because I can't. Because I don't want to. Because I believe I am high enough on life. I don't think I need another stimulant.

It's strange how people behave when high. It's like you don't know them. And every person you catch saying - I'm not high, rest assured he's completely high. I feel scared of such people. More than scared, I feel awkward and unsure of how I should behave. And worried about some close ones.

It's weird. It's strange. It's almost alien. This feeling. I can't wait for my world to become sane again.

Ciao,
Shruti

After a long time..............

Calvin Time!! :) :D

If everyone cared...

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

~Nickelback

Being nice - investment or humanity?

This question has been nagging me for the past coupla days now. And no matter how much I ponder, I can't figure out the answer. Is being nice an investment or an act of humanity? When did being nice become an investment from the plain old "being nice"? And are all of us being nice only for a selfish motive at the end of the day?

I myself know that sometimes, I treat people nicely for some unseen time when I might need their favor. Its selfish and maybe even mean. But most of the times I am a nice pleasant person, who without any ulterior motive likes to put a smile on people's faces. No questions asked.

But recently, I discovered that sometimes, people refrain from doing that simple unselfish task of niceness, because there are low returns at the end of it. Is this right? I am confused, because if you look at it this way - they are at least not fooling a person to believe something which does not exist. They are being forthright & honest about their feelings. On the other hand, sometimes maybe its better to keep a person in dark rather than have them know the harsh truth, which can only hurt them.

And I kept asking myself, is it right to keep a person in dark by making nice, or is it better to come clean and move on in life?

Random stuff....

- I have been watching a lot of Sex & the City lately.(Yes....I am old enough to watch it AND understand it....) So much so that I actually got a little bored while watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!Gosh....I need to stop watching it!Not only I am addicted, I got my roommates addicted to it too!

- I love their shoe-craze. I think I am developing one myself :)

- I love their friendship.

- I am thinking of boycotting Valentine's Day from my life. No heart-break stories here people. The peer pressure is too much to take, and besides the response - "I have boycotted this useless day!!" sounds much more elegant than "ummm....uhuhuh....nuthing much" when people go like - "Soo-o what are your plans for the big day??"

- I am loving my single life right now. For the first time in my life, I don't feel bad about not having that someone special!Its great!!

- I have many questions in my mind about relationships, friendships. I think I keep getting more and more confused as I grow up. What's wrong with me? Am I growing backwards??[No Pun Intended :| ]

About average!!

So....this friend of mine, (unintentionally I think) pointed out, why on orkut he had given only one of the girls in our group the "sexy" rating - "Because you are pretty!". Huh!
Now I have a question. No I have several questions -
Is this right?I mean yeah agreed she's pretty, but does that give friends the right to judge other not-so-pretty people and also point out accordingly? Does sexiness depend only on looks(I know I know...obviously it does...but yet again...does it??). And is it right to get upset over something like this?

Even when you know, that what was said was probably true. Nope it IS true!Even though you go through such discrimination every f***ing day of your life (and also discriminate yourself sometimes!), and eventually learn to take it in your stride, and finally think you have grown immune to all such things....suddenly when you encounter such differentiation yet again from an angle you had least expected this to come from!Does it hurt? You bet it does!!

I am upset!Yes I really really am!I think I speak for all the "about-average" people out there, friends are the quarter we least expect such things from. Whatever!!
I think of it this way - at least this way we find people and friends, who are there with you or there for you, not just because you have a pretty face, but because of you.

Best!

Assignments, Jobs......and then some Life!

Its been really really really long since I posted anything! I don't know why. Actually I think I do. I am not about to give the same old excuse of being caught up in assignments, project etc. Because its just stupid! I just read a blog of a working wife & mother of two kids. And that just put me to shame. So here I am trying to get some grip on my life and also hoping to write more often.

So?Wat has been up with me lately?Many things actually. I won't say I am getting used to the life here. Because I know that is just an illusion. I am still not used to it yet...won't be for another year perhaps. But at least my life has been comparatively better because of some wonderful company, bearable jobs, and pretty okay semester till now(Isn't it interesting how I've listed the one thing that I actually came here for, in the end :)). Anyway. I don't care if you all don't want the details. Cos I am going to give it anyhow.

Okay.Lets start with friends. Have you been with a group of people, who swear twice in every sentence, drink 3 nights a week, and are as adorable as hugsies??No?Dude you gotta come to 313 Huntington Avenue then. I somehow always believed, guys who drink & smoke are not good. I have so changed my belief now. I mean how can you not like a bunch of people who are always there for you no matter what. Who crack the funniest of jokes. Who are there to put a smile on your face, every time you feel low. And who are just so adorable! I was chatting with my roommate some days back, and while pacifying her and trying to make her see the good in our lives right now, I realized it myself. I realized how lucky I am to be in such wonderful group of people in a strange country. A bunch of people whom I can count on. Trust me, it feels wonderful! It feels safe.

Jobs. Yes I am a cashier & a proctor(watchman if you will). And I have two words for you. Not easy! I mean to start with juggling between two jobs is itself kinda overwhelming. On top of it, being a cashier is lot more difficult than it seems like on the surface. Many people ask me why I don't leave it. Since I anyways have the other job. And many have done it too. They left this one when they got another and I don't blame them. Its not the best of jobs - pays less, hard work. So why haven't I left it? Okay here's my answer. I like to have my options open. People who know me, will vouch for the fact that I absolutely hate having no back-up option or back-up plan. Selfish?Yes maybe it is. But there are more reasons than just this. I like it. Yes I like it. I like to work there, because the managers there are really sweet and kind. Because this was the first place which helped me earn my bread and butter in this country. I owe something to them. I cant waste their training by just quitting. I know it's probably stupid, but there it is.

Working as a cashier has been one hell of an experience for me. Trust me, its not easy. I think it's more difficult than working as a software engineer. Because here you deal with people. As in deal with them right then and there. All kinds of people - nice, sweet, rude, impassive, impatient. And you gotta handle them. And its seriously fun. Earlier I used to get really tensed if someone was in a hurry, or feel really bad if somebody was rude to me, feel really happy if somebody was nice to me. Now I've become impassive towards all of this...well almost. If somebody is rude to me. I just give them a bad service :P . If somebody is nice to me, I give them extra smiles & have a good day wishes. If somebody's in a hurry, well I can't really help it. Can I? Remember the time when you are like really in a big hurry and you just want the person behind the counter to step on it? Lets just say, I know both sides of the coin now.

The proctor job. Thats just a fancy name for a watchman who sits in the lobby of university dorms and swipes cards for students to let them in. Easy? Pretty much. Except for the extreme inflexibility and odd times of shifts. Imagine getting up at 5 for a morning shift, when you were wide awake till 2 in the morning. Trust me it sucks. And the worst part is you get fired(!!) if you miss your shifts!!I am not complaining. Who promised this was going to be easy anyways??!!

My semester. Lets just say that its going really really fast. And I am actually glad for it. Only four weeks left (yippppeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!), and I know they are going to be the most difficult ones. I just hope & pray that I get through them without losing it. And get to the winter vacation fast!! :)

Till then.....Sayonara people!

Interesting...

Two halves have little choice but to join;
And yes they do make a whole
but two wholes when they coincide...
That is beauty.
That is love!

Did you ever...?

Did you ever......

- Feel the helplessness & pain of things/people slipping away from you...partly cos of your own actions...partly cos thats how life is...

- Notice that somehow the same people who have no time for you, have time for others...and you thought they were close to you...and more importantly they keep saying you are close to them...

- Acknowledge that people try to fool you on emotions...and you even believe them not because they are truthful, but because, you need to for your own sake...

- Feel unworthy because of distinction coming from the opposite sex...

- Regard life as the most boring affair, at that time in your life...and you have no clue what to do...

- Long that your best friend should be around, more than your family...

- Feel the pain and irony of the situation where you meet your Mr. Right and then realize that it is not, never going to work out because he is already engaged elsewhere...

- Wish you had straight hair instead of wavy (bloody hell...wavy hair suck!!!)

- Wish you were a little more girly!! (grin.... :D)

- Wonder - are people weird or is it me??

- Wish that all you had to do was travel around the world, read good books, listen to music, sing and play the guitar(or learn to play one), surf the net for fun (and not to search answers for algorithms assignments!!)....and still earn good money?

- Start writing a post and then go - hmmm...I have no idea how I should end this post....

Later!

Happy B'day!!!

Call me a narcissistic if you like but yes I am gonna write about my own birthday!For one thing it was something I had hardly expected to be like just after a month's stay in US. It was rocking!!!All thanks to my roommates and precious friends, whom I'm so lucky to have got! For one thing my roomies embarrassed the hell outta me by sending me on stage in a party yesterday night, with entire audience singing "Happy Birthday to you"...but on a brighter side, what they did was also something so very very special...something nobody has done for me before :)
Thank you guys.....!!! *hugs*
and guys - stop fighting to take more credit in this! It does not matter (to me!) I loved it anyways!! (and thats all that should matter to you!) :P

They got a cake, invited friends and we had a rocking time playing dumb charades :P
Simple. Uncomplicated. Fun. As one of the friend quoted yesterday - "the important thing is that we are having fun". So I am just soo-oo glad that I got to have so much fun, that too unexpectedly!(I know I am saying that again and again, but thats how I feel!And since its my birthday, I can have the privilege of saying anything I want!). After others left, my roomies insisted on talking/chatting till the wee hours of morning, and chat we did, with me struggling to keep my eyes open, and them calling "Shruti" every 5 min when they saw my eyes closed. Finally at 5 am I got everybody to sleep, threatening them that they should listen to me as its my birthday and many other things which I absolutely cannot remember right now. I am quite creative in my sleep too. But the fact is I was trying since a long time and i think even they were feeling sleepy :P

I wanted to upload photos also, and I will do it eventually, once I get them. But I just wanted to capture the essence of the feeling - that warm feeling of closeness that you get when you are having fun with friends, whom you have just met some days back, but you know inside, its going to end up in something really strong. I just pray to God that we can retain this innocence of our friendship for a long long long time!

God bless & Cheers!

PS: Thanks to everyone who took time and energy (trust me, its really precious here and cannot be wasted easily! I would know!!) to make it for my birthday and make me feel so special...Thank you all!!!!

Back to square one!

I am sitting in algorithms class, trying to not sleep :)
and guess wat, unlike India, here I get to do this!!!!

Okay back to lecture now!!!!

Today

I did laundry in the US for first time.
I cried because I am missing my family, friends and my country!

I miss India...I miss my friends....I miss mom, dad!

:(

Wel-kham to Bahstun!!

Okay that was - Welcome to Boston.

Yeah its true. I am here. Finally!

A few days before my arrival here, a well-meaning friend advised me - Beware of other students, they are very different here without their shell. I didn't quite understand it then. Now, I do! :) But I'll go into that later.

I think I should start from the start...yeah this is going to be quite long and the only savig factor would be - me getting bored of writing :)

So buckle up people, here's a sneak-peek into my US-travel and an 8-odd stay till now.

Okay, I don't want to bore you all by describing my flight, which in a few words consisted only of - sleep, drinking lots of water & juices(free of cost of course!), some real sad meals, shrek-3(he he), and some more sleeping. In the first half, I was seated in a cramped economy class, but somehow for the second half I had a seat in the first-class which had ample leg space to stretch in! I think the guy in Bombay who gave me both the boarding passes liked my cute little innocent (yeah right!) face!Whatever... Fortunately for me, immigration & customs check went as smooth as a layer of butter (be ready to face such food analogies, deprived of good food for 8 days can do this to you too!). The taxi ride from airport to my temporary accomodation for 20 days cost me around Rs.1280 ($32)! Can you beat that?!!In that amount I can go back n forth between Pune and Bombay atleast 4 times, including in-between journey food. Anyways, my first impression of Boston & US so to say was - hmmmm..well..this looks OK.....Honestly I wasn't impressed that much, not at all awed and amazed, as probably I had always imagined I would be. So I reach my temporary accomodation. And was advised by my friend NOT TO SLEEP. Well, you see I reached in the afternoon around 3, and to avoid jet-lag. So I ventured out alone, to check my university. It was exciting & a little scaring too, to roam in a foreign place, alone. It was fun to watch the foreigners. Although to put it in politically correct language I was the foreigner, and it was nice to be that for a change. The day passed quickly, and I don't really recall much as I was feeling too sleepy, except that I was missing home way too much, so much that I was wishing I had never come. In fact even today, I feel that sometimes(Shoot me if you want, but it's been just 8 days, what do you expect??!!)

From second day started my experiences which I think I will hardly forget ever in my life. It was these past eight days which helped me understand what my friend had qouted earlier. I was ditched unfairly by some people, met some really understanding people, and also grew up a little more. This was the period when I really understood that leaving your shell back home can make you take steps which can be almost cruel. Last eight days have consisted of nothing but, on-campus job hunt, place-to-live hunt, and some more on-campus job hunt. A lot of frustrating momets, moments when I broke down and cried like a baby, momemts when I missed India, family & friends so much it made feel almost suffocated, moments when I wanted to have faith in God and surrender to him all my worries, moments when I did just that, moments when I was amused, impressed with people around me, thankful for some people, not happy with a few others. I know in some days, I will put all this behind me. I know that some day after 2-3 years I will remember this period and feel nostalgic. But today, trust me it's not easy to go through with! It's not easy not to loose faith and patience. But I'm holding on, waiting for something good. I am sure God will not leave me alone and has a better plan for me than I can ever imagine.

Anyways, till that plan is disclosed to me, let me make some observations about this place called US of A:
- Many people break signals here too, but traffic is very very organized.
- Many drivers actually stop and let you cross the road voluntarily, the zebra-crossing or the crosswalk as its called here, has a respect.
- Truck drivers have the same obscene look all over the world.
- Everything is larger than life size here, right from cars to bananas to onions to potatoes to even people!
- American guys are cute :) and have really good physique (I have had like a million one-minute crushes till now). Not only they possess the looks but also the chivalry and sensitivity that, most Indian men lack/ignore/think nothing of.
- Customer service is something they understand quite well, even though they are less brighter than us.

Anyways, some of the nice things about Boston that I've seen till now include Charles river-side (its very romantic!!!), Waltham(a suburb out of Boston which has the BEST-LOOKING houses ever), the British look that Boston carries in most of its parts and my university. I will update, once I have some more observations to make, till then I am holding-on!!
Here. In Boston.

Sayonara!

On being late...

No not the late you think. Okay wait...Let me start from the start....

The other day, my mom and I visited somebody. Who? That's not important. The thing is - being in Chennai, my mom has no friends, relatives here and she gets bored. She tries everything to make herself busy in activities of her interest. Now, there's a group called "Maharashtra Samaj" formed by Marathi people. They are putting up a skit. And my mom saw this as a good opportunity of keeping herself busy as well as meeting new people. It didn't work out. Why? Not because she can't act, as she has won prizes for her acting skill in her college days. And if you want another proof , then maybe you should see me act someday (ahem!). I get my acting skills from her! So why did she get rejected? Because she was late. She was 20 years late for that role. That role was for a 30-year old woman. But 20 years back my mom was so wrapped up in taking care of us, she could not find time for herself. And now when she has time, time is gone. Is this one of the little jokes of the so called Life? It's NOT funny!!!

Why does a woman have to sacrifice her life, her hobbies, her interests. Does she feel less? No I think it's because she feels more! And please don't give reasons like "thats-how-it-always-has-been" or"because-she's-a-woman". They are just crap! Utter crap! Why is it, that when a woman sacrifices her job, her career, her life its only expected from her; and when a man does it, people shower him with accolades?

Is this fair? Is this right? Is this how life of a woman should be just because she's a woman?
And let me tell you something ironic - this role was available only because the woman who was supposed to play this role cannot give time as her kids' exams are coming!!

I wish I could make a difference!

Just needed to get this out of my system!

There are so many people who blog. I know a fraction, a very small fraction of them. Reading their posts I feel happy, sad, confused along with them. Sometimes reading their posts makes me laugh, and sometimes it makes me think... think really hard. And sometimes reading their posts makes me feel sad...and as much hard as it is to admit, sad for myself. I don't know if its right, wrong, selfish. But there it is. Is it wrong to wish for something that you don't have? Is it wrong to wish for something that you've always wanted? Is this wrong?

I don't have an answer to that. Mind you not for one moment am I thinking I'm unfortunate, because I'm not. I know I am very very lucky in most ways. Probably luckier than most people are in this world. And I thank God for that everyday! And yet sometimes, there's sadness, loneliness in me. A void, a gap, an unfulfilled wish. It's not about what I have or what I don't. It's about what I feel. And even I don't know what I am missing...

Do you feel this too?