I don't usually do this!

What you ask? Well, you know - reminiscing and recounting the past year, making resolutions etc etc. All the "New Year" customary things that people do. I get too lazy around this time to do anything at all. But I do have this one superstition belief - Whatever happens on the first day of the year, whatever you are feeling that day, and however you deal with things - is what will happen the rest of the year. And sure enough, on the 365th day(like today for 2009) I don't remember a damn thing to actually confirm this. So I just move onto the next year without thinking much about the past and without really looking into the future, and just live in today. This year it won't be like this. I may not remember what Jan 1, 2009 was like but I do remember bits and pieces of this year and I want to document them. I am 25 and I already don't remember so many things that have happened in my life. I think it will be good to have notes about it!

This may seem like a deviation, but I promise it is related (remotely). So day before yesterday, I saw "Up in the air". George Clooney is like the messiah of anti-relations, anti-commitment, anti-family, and anti-love. Eventually he realises it doesn't work that way, and is talking to his bro-in-law-to-be (who's got cold feet), trying to convince him that love and marriage are the right thing to do. He asks him this - Remember the most important moments of your life? Were you alone? I won't tell you what really happens after this as that is not the point of this post. The point is - most important moments of life. So today I give you just that. Most important and memorable moments of my life (in 2009) -

• Second year of my Masters had just started and my grades were on the lowest level of the deepest pit on the least-distance-above-sea-level plain on the.....you get the point. I had to do something. I spent my entire time, resources and energy in working towards my grades. And I got straight A's. 
• I got an internship even before people had started applying.
• Befriended my friends (Sai & Sneha) again and started reconnecting with them.
• M got a job in the worst of economies.
• Lived through an entire summer of not-so-perfect internship. I learned to deal with difficult people and tried not to let them get to me. Also had some really interesting experiences - here, here and here.
  
• Also spent a great summer traveling and hanging out with friends and having fun!
  
• Went to India and saw my father as a retired person and realised it is so great to have him home. This could be the first time I spent so much time with him, and I loved it. Bonded with my mom, dad and told them how I met and fell in love with M.
• Met M's parents and his entire family, and loved them. I couldn't have asked for better in-laws-to-be.
  
• In the second semester of my Masters I started applying for jobs, with the economy still bleak. I spent hours, days and months just applying and mailing people. Let's just say - I am more than happy and satisfied with the outcome and I got more than I could ever imagine!
  
• Also did I tell you, straight A's in this semester too? (ok, so I took super-easy courses)
• Lost my only grandparent - my Aaji
  
• And lastly, but most importantly - grew up. I realized my responsibilities towards family, friends and boyfriend. I became comfortable with the way I look and accepted all my flaws. I became comfortable with who I am and tried to correct what could be.
  
• And finally, came to terms with life's realities like marriage and responsibilities and realized that if you have the right partner by your side, it is all not too big a deal. I am taking things one at a time and by this time next year I might be committed. (Can you believe it? I can't!!). We'll see.

It was a great year for me, I learned a lot about life, love and myself. I hope to be a better daughter, girlfriend and friend, but above all a better me. And that is my resolution.

Have a great year ahead all of you! Hope you find happiness and success in everything you seek!

"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action"

Said W.J. Cameron.

So here I go.

I am thankful for M for bringing joy in my life. I am thankful for M's wonderful parents who also support and encourage me in everything. And I am thankful for all the opportunities I have got and for getting what I did. I am thankful for my wonderful family and friends.

And lastly, but most most most importantly I am thankful for my parents who always have and continue to support me through all the decisions in my life, who have sacrificed so many things and continue to do so, so that I could be where I want and who have always stood by me and continue to do so as I face tough times.

I don't know how they do it, but they are my strength. They give me courage and always always are ready to support me through anything! I feel lucky!Thanks Aai Baba. Love you guys.

Trivia

What do you call a guy who is extremely loving and cute(&hot!) and makes me laugh and really patient with me the whole day, and then some more?
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My boyfriend!

Wishing & Hoping & Praying

...for a happy conclusion. Don't want to be disappointed at the end of it all!

Can't stay away for long!

I am getting this itch to write something, and my empty head gives me nothing to write (unless you want to hear me crib some more? No, right. See how well I know you!).

So this interesting tag I picked up from Rani.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Well, it has happened more than once. First time I couldn't get over it. The next time, I just said - Shit happens. And I moved on.

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Find a job that I love. Buy an apartment for aai-baba. Own entire closet(s) for shoes, and have enough money to buy all kinds of shoes!!!

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
There are too many people to list here!

4. What would do with a billion dollars?
Stop looking for job. Start apartment hunting for mom dad. Go shoe-shopping, all around the world! yaay!

5. Would you fall in love with your best friend?
I did. The trouble was he didn't ;) But I would say - you can't really know if you want to be with someone you "date" them.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both, ideally. Being loved the way you want to be loved, and loving someone the way they want to be loved is a rare find though.

7. How long would you wait for someone you love?
I can't wait. I am very impatient.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Well. Forget about him. Delete him from my orkut, facebook and my life. Life's too short!

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Education.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Ummm. I am sure as hell not disclosing that! :)

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
Tricky question. But one thing I know - I want to be with M after 10 yrs too. It would be interesting to see what new quirks he develops and what happens to the ones present right now!

12. What’s your fear?
Of losing my close ones.

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
almost-to-be-married-single & poor-turned-overnight-rich?

14. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
Someone who can love me back. Yes, I am selfish that way.

15. Would you give all in a relationship?
Give all. Take all.

16. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Still trying to. Just as someone else somewhere might be trying to do the same for me.

17. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Single. No, in a relationship. No wait - single. Naaa - relationship. Ooops - Didn't mean to tell you'll my biography!

So who wants to do this one? M - obviously you. Avanti you? (whenever you find time)

Okay. Can't think of nemore bakras! :) Whoever else wants, would love to read your answers... muhuhahahahahaha

Sayonara.

Typical day...

...these days is very much like those forwards that all of us have read -

1. Wake up, check mail.
2. Brush teeth, if time permits get coffee/cereal, check mail.
3. Study, apply, read, check mail.
4. Rush to take a bath, get ready, check mail, run out of the house (remember to take a jacket, Fall is here; but forget to have lunch)
5. Come back home, starving, check mail, stuff myself with some junk
6. Check mail
7. Check mail
8. Sleepy, try not to fall asleep(actually rarely am I trying, I am almost always sprawled on the bed even before feeling sleepy), check mail.
9. No mail :(
10. But still, the eternal hope does not die, so check mail & go to sleep
11. Wake up, check mail..
12. You get the picture!

Sayonara

Did you miss me yet?

No?
Fine. I was gonna say I missed you, but now I don't think I will.

And anyway, I barely have time to write this post, let alone deal with emotions! I just came online to tell you all that, since I am now back to school, this blog as history has seen for 4 semesters now, is gonna go into a sort-of hibernation. More so, with all the job search going on.

But, the good news is (which is assuming that you actually thought of the previous news as the bad one!), since bloggers' itch isn't easy to control, I do mini-blog quite regularly on twitter. So yeah, follow me right there.

And yes, I did meet M's parents and it went well! But the detailed story will have to wait till I can find time enough to get my life, room and closet in order..not necessarily in that order!

Ciao people. See you (hopefully) pretty soon!
Take care...

I miss you...

This song tugs at my heart. Especially these days.

What's your story?

Everything has a story. Budding love has a story. Broken up love has a story. Long lost love has a story. Meeting your best friend has a story. Getting your permanent job has a story. I have most of these stories except for the last one. And right now I am trying to walk through one. Hopefully it will have a happy ending. But like every story it has disappointments, rejections and depressions! That part of the story sucks. Doesn't it? I know. I am hoping it ends soon for me. There's also discussion, anticipation and palpitation part left in it. After which I am hoping (with fingers of both hands & toes of both feet & both legs crossed) for the celebration, exhilaration and relaxation(as in breathing a sigh of relief) . Annnyway. I will keep you guys updated about my status with this. Yes I will. So what if you find it boring. It's not a rosy picture all the time is it. That's right it's not. Okay stop arguing already!

In other bit of news I am at home in India for a fortnight!!!!!!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I am so enjoying every moment of this (apart from the walking through the afore mentioned story bit) :)

And I have finally decided to come clean and declare that I too am a shopaholic after I read the confessions of a fellow shopaholic Rebecca Bloomwood from here. It's good to know you are not alone.

So guys...what's your "story"? Are any of you shopaholics? Please share. Me needy some spirit-lifting!

Ciao.

Many people die at twenty FIVE and aren't buried until they are seventy FIVE - Benjamin Franklin

Okay that is not at all related to what the post is about except in a very subtle way. Rani tagged me for - "FIVE lesser known facts about me" (I assumed, by me she meant me and not her!) Okay okay..I'll cut the crap and state them now....

Hold your breath. Okay don't. I will. Here goes.

1. At one point in my life people thought I was a lesbian.
So why? Well cos -
- I was in an all girls college & all girls hostel.
- I was and still am a very shows-my-affection-openly sorta person - so hugs and kisses even to girls are normal.
- I was in all girls college, so people did not have enough gossip floating around.
And the strangest thing of all is - everybody knew I had a boyfriend, and still they thought this. I think since then I have changed to this neurotic person with a complex of people. That's right. I was very outgoing and friendly before (my parents still think I am), but now I am just plain scared to interact with people, not knowing what they think of me. Yes, it may seem funny now, but it was pretty traumatic - all the negative publicity and dirty "details" that my friends told me people are telling each other. It was ugly. I was too innocent to imagine people could think like that.

And here's my disclaimer - I am not saying being gay is wrong/bad/abnormal. To each his/her own. You are the way you are, and good to be what you are.

My only point is - Negative rumors and hearing horrific details about one's 'lesbian' acts are not a nice supplement for your teenage. Even though you know you are not wrong, you feel ashamed, scared and guilty. I still feel horrible thinking about it, and have told this to very few people in my life(despite half my hostel knowing). I have never written about it, and I don't know if I ever will. But this incident took a hard blow at my self-confidence. I laugh at it now, but it was anything but pretty then.

2. I am terrified of turning 25.
I never planned this but I had assumed turning 25 would bring wisdom and maturity along with more successful life. I don't expect they will be arriving in a month if they haven't till now.

3. I freak out about how my life will change after marriage and kids.
I don't want those changes.

4. I love Bombay.
I have spent the best years of my life there. I am just not sure if I can take it for a lifetime.

5. I want to get into full time social service some time in my life.
And sooner rather than later.

Phew. That was tough.
So now who should I tag for this....hmmm?
I tag M, Rajita, Rambler.

Have fun guys! :)

Woohooo!!

The Time Traveler's Wife movie is here!!

I so hope its good!!!

I am excited!

Is this for real?

That's what I thought in my head when I saw a friend request on orkut from my mom. Yea that's right - my mom. I almost fell off my chair when I saw the request. I called her up to confirm if it was really her or someone playing a prank on me. Turns out it was her. She was all chill about it, like yea I joined orkut, now I can keep a watch on you even there, watcha gonna do, types. Actually no, all these were my thoughts. She actually was all cool about it in a way like yea, I've been surfing the net for some years now, writing mails, booking movie, train, flight tickets, googling for things, didn't you see this coming? And she's right. I should have.

So what did I do after confirming it was her who sent the request. I scanned my profile, pics everything to see if there's anything that might offend her. Yea I know, she's all modern in a way to book movie tickets online, google "remedy of insomnia", sms her friends on friendship day and join orkut, but she still freaked out after watching Love Aaj Kal, and was questioning me if it was true that couples today really do all the "stuff" shown in the movie. Trust me I had a hard time trying to change the topic!Damn you Imtiaz Ali. It's weird with moms. One moment they are all modernized what with - "you should wear what you want", "it's okay that you left your previous boyfriend and now have a new one" and "oh I am okay with it.. live with boys if you have to", and the next one they are all "I am very shocked at what they showed in Love Aaj Kal, it's abominable and shameful, I hope you know what I am saying". Phew.

But they are adorable. Just so cute. And lately I am realizing so human:)
In fact if I was being interviewed by CNN and asked to name one human being I am most proud of? It would be this one. My mom. And she does not earn it just by being my mom. No sir. She earns it for being the extra-ordinary woman that she is. I haven't met anybody else who learnt and mastered swimming at the age of 50. Or who learnt to sms or surf the net all on her own(I did not teach her one thing about it). Or who is and always has been the sole point of contact between the rest of the members of family. A great manager-material wasted I would say.

It's not mother's day. Neither is it her birthday. It's just the day I am again reminded of how blessed I am to have her as my mother. And also the day when my mom joins orkut. I think I am going to scan my Facebook profile just in case she catches up with me there too. And thank god I am not on twitter yet!

Later.

8

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
- Sex & the City
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- The Big Bang Theory
- That 70's Show
- Full House
- Dekh Bhai Dekh
- KBC
- Any show that is showing latest movies' promos
ps: The reason why most/all of these shows are old is none of my homes since 2000 have had a TV/Cable(First hostel and then student apartment in US)

8 Favorite Places to Eat:
- Home
- Come-in, Pune
- Durga, Pune
- McDonalds
- Quiznos
- The Kebab Factory
- Moby Dick's House of Kabob
- M-cooked prawns & chicken

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
- Came to know about some job opportunities
- Tried to work at getting them
- Bought Oakley's glares for bro
- Ogled at ALDO shoes while at the mall
- Watched "Sach ka Samna" for the first time
- Laughed too hard at a joke that I cracked
- Laughed too hard at a joke that M cracked
- Laughed too much basically, and loved it

8 Things I Look Forward To:
- Watching what happens next in "Sach ka Samna"
- Getting a full time position of my interest
- Meeting my family soon
- Meeting M's family soon(more on this later!!)
- Living & sharing an apartment with M(the reason why marriage ceremony is not on my list is cos I find it a big taxing thing that can be avoided, but can't be!)
- Graduating
- Joining a mentoring program
- Reading a good Agatha Christie book


8 Things I Love About Winter:
(this one's gonna be the toughest, I am thinking of cheating)
- It's not blazing hot
- First day of Snow
- Gloves
- The way I can see my breath
- The warm feeling of entering an enclosed centrally heated place
- Making footprints in the snow
- Closed school due to snowstorm
- I hate too much cold.Third point is a lie.

8 Things on my Wish List:
- Fossil Watch - this, this & this (if anyone's taking notes)
- Pearl-drop earrings
- All seasons of SATC
- Aldo Shoes
- NY&C Clutch & Tote
- Abercrombie Vintage outerwear
- Figure to wear Herve Leger Dress, and then one dress too please!
- Good health & happiness for my entire family, friends & M.

8 Things I’m Passionate About:
- Reading
- Writing
- Traveling
- Watching movies(only in theaters)
- Did I mention Reading
- Community work
- Shopping
- Shoes, Clothes & Handbags

8 Words or Phrases I Use Often:
- Fuck
- Oh man!
- Fucking shit
- LOL
- Shit
- WTF
- Really?
- Frigging

8 Things I Have Learned From My Past:
- Being emotional gets you nowhere
- Speak up, that's the only way to go, even though sometimes crap comes out
- You and you alone are responsible for where your life is, maybe also a little luck
- Value your friends, cherish them, appreciate them
- Listen, think, process, talk. In that order
- Do what YOU want
- Don't let annoying people get to you. Be nice even to them
- Don't take life too seriously
Note: Just because I have realized these things over a period does not necessarily mean I actually follow them. I'm trying. Getting there.

8 Places I Would Love to Go or See or Visit:
- Europe
- Egypt
- Malaysia
- Africa
- Florida
- Australia
- Entire India - New Delhi, Rajasthan, North-East, Lakshadweep everything.
I guess that kinda covered the entire globe.. :)

8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
- To get over with my internship asap
- To pee
- Cute brown peep-toe flats
- Haircut
- Silky hair too, if possible :)
- Manicure & Pedicure
- A nice book to read
- Ideas for gifts for my parents..anyone?


And this folks was the one of the many tags I have got lined up in the pipeline! Avanti tagged me for this one. More to follow, where I am tagged again by her & Rani.. :)
I had so much fun doing this tag. I also realized - sometimes 8 is too big a number, and other times too small. Also that I am quite materialistic, more than I realize :D (All the best M, huh?). Anyhoo...like I mentioned, I am going to meet M's parents soon. And you'll know soon why it is such a BAD idea. But, like a wise friend said to me yesterday - "these things have to be done". Though he said it in context of cutting vegetables & cooking them. I am guessing, the context is a LOT different..eh..never mind. So anyway, more on that later.

First....first first first first...I've got to tag someone...mu hu ha ha ha ha ha...
Here goes -
Rani
Rambler
Pari
Saurabh
Mansi

And anyone else who wants to take this up!! Off I go to finish number 2 in the last "eight".

Later guys!

Someone wrote "placebos"

I don't even know what that means. And I don't even want to find out. I mean it really does sound like - amoeba or something.

Anyway...this morning suddenly my frustration lifted, while I was reading this. No not the review, the actual book. I was reading the actual book. And I thought, if that kid survived what he was going through, surely my situation can only help me become stronger and more resistant in life. And probably teach me to not let people get to me.

So many things come to my mind that I could write about which slip away before I can find time enough to even make a note in my head. These last few weeks of summer - when it actually feels like summer - keep slipping right out of my hand, except for a few moments like - my scream stuck in my throat when I sat in scream. Or like - after a long day of continuous working - how a friend telling me that she was putting on body wash instead of body lotion for a week, made me laugh like a mad woman. Laughter does help de-stress btw!

Obviously, by now you must have realized there's no real point to this post. And if you are not going to read, I am not going to write any further. I do have self-respect you know!!

Later dude!

I am just so mad!

That I am not even feeling guilty about sitting in front of someone,wishing bad things for them while they were speaking to me!!

I know. It's not right. I am a bad person. Okay, I'll take back whatever I wished, but if you were in my place you would do the same. People can be so f**king unreasonable and unfair, that you can't believe they are human and not just some animal. Frigging B*****d!!!!

On a much much different and happier note Avanti has tagged me for two tags :)
I will do them as soon as I get some time, which I am really falling short of right now thanks to certain f**king someone!!

Later!

Rare piece

I am in love with the song AND the video.
Watch.Listen.Relish.

Diet, Distraction & Distance

On my mind, but not in that order.
So, yea I know all of you are going to say, I don't need a diet. And well, yea looking at me I probably don't. But I really really need to lose some lbs, for my health, as PCOD and Spondylolisthesis become worse if I am even a little overweight, which they now have. Also, a friend was doing this, so I just decided to do it with her, so that I have someone to crib to(apart from M, someone who gets it) while I am at it. Now you ask me, why not some exercise instead, and I would say yes I want to do that too, just that I don't get around to doing it everyday, and this is getting kinda urgent!And so, the mighty have fallen to desperate measures of eating only fruits and vegetables and soups for a week!

Over the weekend, S moved to another city to look for jobs. God alone knows how I am going to manage without her. She defines whatever I know of this city man. We discovered and delighted in its wonders together. She helped me become the person that I am today, that I love to be(though she won't agree!). Together we laughed at the nothing and yet the something in all the nothingness. Actually, I don't have words to describe this loss. After I came back from dropping her, and after she had reached, it hit me while sleeping, I can never just meet her in the middle of the night again. Not that I have ever done that, but it was always comforting to know, I could. I had decided to write so much down...but now I cant bring myself to...I think it's too private, so much that even she does not know about all these thoughts...nobody does.

I also believe, that this diet is giving me an aim, something to focus on so that I don't think so much. Cos, there's nothing much I can do. So these days it's all about finding distractions from things on my mind - missing my family, missing S, trying to come to terms with so many little changes that only I can see....!Changes that cannot be expressed in words...or maybe they can be..but not just yet.....

Later!

It's surprisingly accurate!

Though I haven't watched the movie....the short description sounds quite correct.....

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Beyond space and time...

Dear Aaji,

When Aai told me on Thursday night, that you had passed away, I could not digest it. I knew it was coming, and yet it was hard to believe at first. But it sunk in, and I found myself short of breath. I did not know whether I was going to cry. But I did. As much as I had prayed for your suffering to end, despite feeling guilty for it, for so long, I was grieving for a void, that now nobody can ever fill. I was bitter for the fact that, I am now, officially without grandparents. And I was distressed that it has been more than a year since I saw you or spoke to you. The last time when I saw you, you were already losing your memory day by day. You had asked me again and again, about my life in US, how I live here, and I had repeated everything to you again and again. You were weaker and older than any other time that I remembered, and I was filled with sadness, to see you like that. I regretted then bringing you one gift from US, that you could no longer use - a book. You used to love reading, not just Hindi and Marathi, but also, English. I was awed by this, since even Aai declines to read English books if she can help it. But then, you could no longer retain information in your mind for more than a few minutes, to read an entire book. But you appreciated it just the same, looking at me lovingly. My heart breaks to think that I will never ever be bestowed with a love, that only grandparents are capable of, that I will never see you looking at me lovingly and with pride, asking me about my life, my studies.

I remember, Aai complaining proudly, that I am your favorite grandchild and hence she cannot scold me in front of you without making you angry as well. I took advantage of it so many times, getting away with things, that nobody else did. I remember when I was leaving for US, you instructed me to not marry an American. I could see you were worried beyond belief, wondering why I was going at all. I remember you telling me to be guarded and alert, to not roam around alone and to study and finish masters sincerely.

I should have seen this coming, and I think at some level I did too, when I got the news of you being admitted in hospital some weeks back. And I kept praying to God to end your pain, and I kept feeling guilty for it. Now that you are gone, I see my prayers were answered. But I don't feel guilty anymore, now that I know your pain is over finally. And don't you worry Aaji, I will be fine. I will always remember you. I will always look at your struggle in life, when I am struggling. I will always remember your patience and giving nature when I am short of them. I will survive, cos I am your granddaughter and you were a survivor.

When I heard of your departure, I cried bitterly. I regretted not having been in India. For the first time I felt more lonely than ever. And I wanted to hide my face in Aai's lap and bawl. Instead, I cried in my pillow, till I fell asleep. When I called the next day, your body had departed too, with all the rituals complete. I felt some peace to know that. And I felt immense pride when Aai told me that you donated your eyes. Looking at you it's hard to believe someone can be that giving. I never told you this - but I am proud to have had you as my grandma. I say "have had" cos I don't want to stop you from the next journey that you have now undertaken(like Baba says), or want you to hesitate. Don't worry about me, I will be fine. I am sad that you are now gone, but I am happy that you did not suffer much. I will miss you. Always. And I wish I could be more like you - patient, giving and a fighter to the end.

Love,
Me

P.S.: I will always miss the lonacha that you helped Aai prepare every summer, and which never tastes the same if you are not a part of it.

I tagged myself!

Since nobody was tagging me...like ever(!!) I decided to take initiative and do it myself. I found this here.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Hope my sun allergy does not increase.."

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
5$

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Soar

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
My roommate - J...and I had not even seen it till now...thanks to this I just saw it :P

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I haven't used ring tones since like forever now...but I used to love - "Saathiya" :)

6. What are you wearing right now?
Floral purple and orange chiffon sleeveless top and black trousers, with black thin sweater and black ballerina shoes.

7. Do you label yourself?
Yes. Many times. With many labels.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
I own many(shoes, that is). Some are not branded, some are brands I don't recall(but bought them from DSW), and sports shoes are Reebok, bought them 2 years back.

9.Bright or Dark Room?
Bright. Always. Can't stand darkness. I sometimes like switching the lights on even in a car while traveling at night.

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Found this randomly....while stumbling from blog to blog...but his posts are nice, and I am sure so is he :)

11. What does your watch look like?
A Guess Silver watch with black dial, M gifted me this on my Birthday.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I am pretty sure dreaming things, which I can't remember now! :P

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
A msg from M intimating that he loves me...and asking me why I am so amazing :P

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
"F**k"

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)
M (if boyfriends are not excluded) :)

16. Last furry thing you touched?
My piglet soft toy.

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
There have been many - but I think 17-18, when I was in junior college, without liabilities, worries and having a ball with friends every frigging day!!

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Sure." (to a colleague)

19.The last song you listened to?
Right Round - Flo Rida

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Rajgarh (M.P.) [I think..]

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Umm....not really..... :)

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Maybe...I really don't know...

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Mobile phone, Wallet/cards, my forgetful self :P

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Bangalore, New York City, Boston. In that order.

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I think my friend "Shruti"(yea thats her name too) in engineering.

26. Can you change the oil in a car?
Hell. No.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
First big crush as in school. Last I heard from him, we were chatting non-sense shit online, and he was working in some company in Bombay.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My lower back, cos of Spondylolisthesis :(

29.What is your current desktop picture?
Office PC - Blue color.
Personal Laptop - Beautiful black wallpaper with funky art image and music written on it.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Yep. With my ex. I've never told this to anyone but I used to cry for no reason at all, and be depressed most of the time, when I was with him.
Its the worst. Hope I never be there again. Hope nobody is.


And I tag -
M, Saurabh, Mansi, Guy Next Door, Sai and Pari.
Edited to add: Tagging Chintan & Shamika too. Hopefully this will make them blog! :P

There's something about....

So, I am sure, the area where I work...there's a serious derth of women. Otherwise how the hell do explain, another guy asking me out in the week following this. Right in the middle of the road no less. If anything, this was more dramatic, but this time I was less brutal (acc to me anyway). And trust me, I am not showing off. I waited, I waited and I waited for people to ask me out for so many years....and now.This. Maybe I am US-material, considering both the guys who asked me out this year(yea, there was one last year too:P) were Americans. :)

In any case, it does make you feel real good! I mean, some guy walking on the road calls out to you from behind, and then struggles to get his words together for at least five minutes before admitting he wants to take you out for coffee. I concluded some happy things about myself from this -
1. I look good from behind(too)!! :P
2. I appear intimidating.

Okay now I gotta rush to work...

Later!

The other end of the spectrum..

Remember what I had posted a few days back about relationships & how to make one work...
Well, yesterday I saw the other end of the spectrum...aka...M :)
It went something like this -

M - I read on your blog, that you are sad since your conversation with S...What's wrong...?

Me - Nothing, just that we had a sad conversation...

M - About what?

Me - Just the world..and what a bad state it is in...and how people are so difficult to deal with....and how they can be so irrational at times....and about love and relationships...and how just love is not enough to hold a relationship together...

M - Yea...that's true....you also need lust....

LOL!
How can you not laugh at this? Obviously which is what he aimed to do with his statement anyway...! It's too funny.... :)

PS: S is my very very close friend & roommate....

Later!

Thoughts fleeting in & out of my head right about now...

- I want to talk to M about how bad my day is going....and how the world is being so so unfair to me....Wish he would finish his exam fast...
- Why is S, so disillusioned with love....worrying about it a little....
- Missing mom....everyone at home...wondering how they are...waiting to call till the sun rises on the other side of the globe...
- Am I in a wrong profession?
- I have to blog about several topics before they reach their expiry date....
- Sad...mostly cos of last night's conversation with S....
- What happens next in the book I am reading..

Have you ever noticed...

...that Shammi Kapoor used to act like he has to pee really really badly, in most of his songs....huh??I believe he was pretty popular...I wonder why?? Has nobody else noticed this?I mean even his expressions are sometimes like that, and that pose, with one leg bent, up and close....you get the picture!

Have a wonderful Wednesday evening!

Finally...

...got rid of the cheesy name I was using to post my posts - "Enigmatic Illusion"...LOL....

(Today I think is "LOL" day, since I've used it ten thousand times already)

In my defense, I was small(er) when I started this blog & came up with it. I did not know what cheesy was back then. I do now :)

Later!

Block

I have nothing to write..I mean there are so many things I could write about, but I just can't. So I'll do what I have done so much during engineering viva's - pull out words out of my ass and talk, or in this case, write.

A couple of notable incidents happened last week. One being, ikea shopping and how!! We went there to shop for M as he's moved into his own room now. And we shopped our asses off!! I am big fan of ikea. It's a furniture & household stuff shop. You can just go there, and find every-frigging-thing, that you'll need in your house. The products may not be that sturdy, but they sure have a great display of it, which makes you want to buy them. No. Really. And considering how BIG it is, they manage it pretty well, save for some glitches here & there. I let M build his bachelor's room, with all black, blue stuff, and no colors. After all he did buy that bookcase to keep all my books! It was also the time, he drove a car in US for the first time. I have always seen couples(can't believe I just called us a "couple" indirectly tho it may be, I guess I am growing up, although it did panic me a little to do that!!) fight sitting in those two seats, the driver's & and the navigator's. And as M sucks at directions, I had a more than active role in giving directions :), we also tried. At least, I did by yelling & panicking & fretting more than once, but he only retaliated by singing more !! It was a fun date, and we survived a day of just each other. One down, some 20-odd-thousand more to go! :P

Another one, being (in case you've lost track there were two.... not one, but TWO notable incidents in my life last week, oh yea, I live on the edge, watcha gonna do???). So I was saying, the second incident being, a guy asked me out on the subway, on my way to work. So this is what happened - I got in the train & buried my face into the book, no not to sleep, to read, just like everyday. After some time I looked up and I see this white guy, dressed in an expensive looking suit, looking at me. I looked for a second or two then smiled at him politely thinking, he's never seen an Indian before (that's really really improbable, but I had not been awake for more than two hours, what do you expect!!), and again went back to my book. After some time I looked up again, to see him looking at me again, and smiling at me and waving a hi at me. (Oh yea I read like that, I read for some time & then take a break to think about what I just read, otherwise I get absorbed enough to miss my stop!). So now, this is not new, I have seen many people do that, friendly that they are, I did not think anything odd about it. I only got a little excited thinking he might be working in some fancy bank, and started picturing forwarding my resume to him some time in the future:P. He caught up with me on the next platform of my transfer-stop, and started talking to me. Considering what I had been picturing in my head, I too spoke with him very politely. We exchanged names, and that's it. We got into the next train & I went back to my book, only to be interrupted in two minutes by a hand placing a card in my book. He says to me, "here's a lil bookmark for your book". I go in my head, "lol!". And then he continues, "Would you like to go for dinner with me?". I sense that everybody in the compartment is watching us, but before I can stop myself, I blurt out a loud, "No!". Yea yea I know next time I'll be a little less cruel. He seems shocked, surprised as if he expected me to jump at the opportunity.(Men!). I tried to return his card to him, but he insisted asking me to think about it and call him. I was laughing right in his face, not knowing what to do! Thankfully my stop came & I got off the train, after saying bye to him! I checked the card, and it turns out he owns/works at "Sleepy's". LOL! So much for forwarding my resume! Though now I can think about getting some discount there at the price of looking pretty and going for dinner with him! :P

Awaiting me now, is a long week of putting together, all the stuff we bought from ikea. Its like building lego. Considering that's not one of M's skills, and I like everything my way, I'll be happily hammering & screwing & trying to fit things, while he (hopefully) cooks delish prawns for us :)

Later!

The perfect vacation...

is all about....

.....some delicious food & alcohol... :)

































.....and some beautiful landscape...





















.....and some great time with friends....





















.....also some alone time "alone" & "with M"..... ;)












.....obviously incomplete without some getting lost....





















......and then finally "pwn"ing the trek...










....with some "dangerous" stunts(not by me!)












and living in a beautiful abode & traveling in a sexy car....











Acadia Trip. Memorial Day Long Weekend 2009.
May 23, 2009 - May 25, 2009.

LOL

Meaning of my name acc to Urban dictionary

Later! :)

To make a relationship work

So, soon it will be a year of me being in a relationship. A second one. Not that I am proud of admitting I have been in more than one, but neither am I repentant about it, obviously. Sometimes things just don't work out. And I consider myself really really lucky to have found somebody, again.

So what makes it work, or not work?
From what I have learned till now, hiding you feelings, drowning your voice in lieu of not hurting the other one, and not giving yourself the due importance you own, NEVER works. And even though it seems like it, it wasn't so obvious for me.

So, if you are looking to absolutely not make it work(for what reason, I don't care), follow this religiously -
1. Suffocate the other one, by instructions, nagging, and questioning them on their thoughts, actions, hobbies, habits.
2. Try to change them, by telling them to goto gym, making them listen to your type of music, making them watch your type of movies, making them do what you like, making them eat what you like, making them wear what you like, asking them to change their values and pretty much mold them into what you want, and don't care if they lose their individuality and happiness meanwhile! You got what you want, who cares!
3. Insult & fight with them, over things they do differently. Mock their values, and thoughts. Ridicule their opinions.
4. Completely ignore what they like.
5. Give priority to everybody except them.
6. Don't trust them! Display your distrust, in public!
7. Also make sure to make no sacrifices for them, what-so-ever.
8. Doubt their capabilities, and do NOT show support & encouragement in difficult times.
9. Discuss your relationship problems with everybody but them.
10. Most importantly, keep pretending that things are going fine!

On the other hand, if you do want it to work, some things, which at least for me are really important are -
- Give each other the due space, not just in life, but in habit, way of life, hobby, activities.
- Give each other the freedom of thought & opinion.
- Respect each others' opinions, and learn to live with them, if possible learn to love & appreciate the beauty of difference.
- Take time to show your appreciation of this difference in thoughts, habits, hobbies, by adapting it once in a while. (for girls - if it means cracking fart-jokes, do it!) (for guys - if it means shopping whole day, go for it!)
- Learn to love, show-off your affection, even in public. (I never had to learn this, tho! :P)
- Learn to assert and put your foot down, for your loved one, even in front of your family, if need be.
- Appreciate the little sacrifices, you both make for each other. I always thought only the girl suffers on the friendship front with her girlfriends, but I realised, so does the guy with his friends.

Apart from the above and some other obvious ones like trust, faith etc etc....it also takes a lot of patience. No two people are same. Can never be. Learn to love the things you don't like about them. Learn to be patient. Also, the thing that is most needed, and almost always ignored, is reassurance. And its needed by both, not just the girl.

I swear I did not pick this out of Cosmo, but I sure do sound like it. And even though these have been iterated time & again, I felt I wanted to note them down. I don't know if a year is enough to judge where a relationship stands. I guess if you are happy, then you are good.

I just want to tell you M, that I am very happy (touch wood) with you. I love you. And I love your singing too, just don't land us behind bars for it, and we'll be good! :D I know we started off roughly, but since then you have made sure we don't sway :). I know and you know, how paranoid I was(sometimes I still am), how difficult it is for you sometimes to shrug off my past, how angry your past actions make me still, but despite all of this we have lasted almost a year(about a month short)!! Yaay for us!! It does not scare me to say that I want to see many more milestones with you. No wait, I am EXCITED to see them!! And also, love you for always always putting my interest before yours. And also being patient with me, with all my tantrums & complaints! And finding me beautiful & sexy when I myself don't feel like it. And wanting to know me inside out, beyond & above anyone has ever ventured to know. And trying to do that. And dreaming for me, dreaming for us. And....so much more....!

Also, stop goofing around and finish "The Kite Runner". And teach me Tennis. Also don't question me about this post. Cos with us, we have an edge due the natural chemistry we share! :)

And lastly - touch wood, touch wood, touch wood!!

For you -

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose,
There's my territory

- Shakira, "Underneath your clothes"

Edited to add - No more "happy anniversary, awww" mushy comments please :) they are just umm..too mushy!! Saurabh you were the first one so you are excused!! Comments on the rest of it, most welcome :)

Say No To Corrupt Ministers

The Times of India
May 21,2009

Readers will recall that this paper, through its Lead India initiative, ran a sustained and hard-hitting ‘Say No To Criminals’ campaign in the run-up to the elections. It was therefore with a modest sense of vindication that we reported in our special election edition of May 17 that the Indian voter had given candidates with criminal records a resounding thumbs down.

The time has come to also say no to corruption. The strongest signal Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh can send out to venal netas and their babus is to pack the cabinet with honest and efficient men and women. Let us not continue with ministers who have so brazenly bled the system. The clean-up needs to start at the top. How can we blame the pitiably paid traffic constable or the lowly government clerk for trying to make a buck on the side when their big bosses—be they politicians or bureaucrats—are making a million times more? Corruption has become endemic. Worse, and this is the really sad part, we have come to accept it as a way of life. The fact is, corruption penalizes the honest, distorts important decisions and policies, weakens the moral fibre of a society, and, most grievous of all, robs the really needy. In the extreme, it compromises the safety and security of our country and our people and is therefore as anti-national as an act of terror.

The people of India have given the Prime Minister and the Gandhis a historic opportunity to make a difference. Manmohan’s refusal to back down from the nuclear deal and Rahul’s insistence on soldiering on solo in UP proves they are made of sterner stuff than they were credited with. Keeping out the dishonest is not going to be easy—especially with nominees of Congress’s allies in the UPA—but good governance is also about taking hard, unpopular decisions that fly in the face of political expediency. It’s time we jettisoned our politics of cynicism for a politics of conscience. We are aware that the pundits will laugh this off as the naivete of the hopelessly idealistic, and say “that’s not how the system works”. But change comes because someone somewhere has the courage of conviction—no matter how foolish—to tilt at windmills.

Wow...I am so happy, I am not alone who thinks like this...
The change WILL come! :)

Random at its peak...

So...for a while now, I have not updated my blog with a detailed post. Partly(here comes the usual whining!!) because I have been so lazy(ha ha..got you there!) and partly cos, I have been a little busy with the semester(and this was the whiny part for those who are confused!)...

Anyhow..I am right now on a summer internship, which also keeps me busy most of the week...and weekends are a fast-paced blur of - movies, drinking, dining....! I want to say that it was a good sem, cos well it really was. I took up good & interesting courses...and learned a lot of new things. I spent most of the semester in the library, and I did not sleep most nights..which does not mean I slept less..cos I more than made up for it during the day sleep! :P

I wondered more than once during the semester, why do they make these courses so darn difficult that there is no place left in life other than studies??I mean there was always something to do..there was never a time when I would sit back for a couple of days knowing all my pending work is done and the new work is gonna come not so soon. No way sir....before I had finished the current work..there was always more piling up!! I then decided, that all the teachers in the world have at some point in time, decided to make life as busy as possible for us students, so that....well I don't know what purpose it serves...if I knew, I wouldn't have been questioning it...right?In any case..it sucks!

Speaking of which, as soon as the summer started, I went online and ordered a bunch of books I planned to read in the summer. I could not read even one new book during the semester..though I did manage to read Jeffrey Archer's Cat O'Nine Tales again :). And now since two weeks of alleged summer/spring have passed us by(though it barely feels like summer here in Boston..damn!) I am happy to announce, that I have already checked one book off the list, which being - Wuthering Heights. And also sad to add that I did not like it at all :(. I mean, I am all for classic love stories(I love love love Pride & Prejudice), but this is not one of them. And the lesser said about it the better. Maybe its me..I was expecting too much..and the least I expect when I read a love story is to like and relate to the protagonists, and this one failed to arouse either emotion in me. Forget liking, I couldn't even sympathize with them. Oh well...! So after that I started reading this book called The Time Traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger , another love story which seems really good till now. At least once you get past the fact that it involves time traveling. More updates once I finish it, and I am quite expectant of this one.

And I saw Angels & Demons the movie, this Friday. I was excited to see it, as this book was one of my favs! And I am glad to say that I was more than happy with the outcome. I know many people who have read the book say they did not like it, but I would say that this time they managed to take the best & the most relevant parts of the book and made a good nice movie out of it. Yes he took some liberty to change many parts, but I think it all comes together really well. And as much as I hate to admit, I liked the ending of the movie more than the book's. Ok ok...for those who haven't seen it yet, I will not say anything further. Go watch it for yourself, and let me know what you think!

Over the weekend I also decided to learn to drive and get a license, cos as much as I hate driving, I think I would like to have the freedom to zoom off to long drives, without having to depend on someone. It's going to take a little time, but I will do it.

And next weekend, it being a long weekend, I am off to Acadia National Park with some friends. It looks promising, we have booked a cottage, and we are obviously going to buy a lot of food & alcohol! And I've heard that its beautiful out there...

Later!

Just came online to declare...

...I am drunk and happy!! :)

Haaaa!!!

Feels so good.... :)

I like putting smileys :)

I put them in professional emails too :)

:) :) :)

I love this song...It portrays what I feel in love...fast..slow..fast..slow..and a sweet feeling in my heart....I'm loving it.....(touch wood!!)

Later!

Visual DNA...apparently :P

The latest new here is...

Currently reading - Wuthering Heights...
Currently eating - A lot more times at home than before!
Currently sleeping - Little..no make that a lot less than I would like..
Currently drinking - Only water most of the times to avoid extra calories..
Currently feeling - Lost & forlorn...

Good things -
- Good grades
- Have a job in this economy
- Have people around me who love me a lot

Bad things -
- Miss someone a lot
- Miss my old job
- Still can't fit into size 2

What about you??

~Me & my cons~

- I feel jealous very very quickly and easily.
- I am very very possessive when it comes to some people and in a bad way.
- I am not good at maintaining personal relationships.
- I am anti-social, in a big big way.
- I don't remember dates, names OR faces.
- I have very very bad memory.
- I lack sensitivity intuition BIG time.
- I can't talk to people unless they talk to me.
- Which means I can't talk to most people.
- I can NEVER talk about my feelings without feeling awkward.
- I hate feeling awkward.
- Hence I almost NEVER talk about my feelings.
- I hate melodrama.
- And yet ironically my best friends are very dramatic! (not a cons just a fact to note).
- I talk too frankly and bluntly(edited from "sharply" as suggested by someone), which almost always hurts people who are close to me. I don't want to change that about me, but I really think I should.
- I am a very confused person when it comes to most things.
Added these as suggested by the same someone-
- I have double standards

Later!

PS: This is not an exhaustive list. More to come later.

Found a quote...

...related to the previous post and mood -
"When you are through changing, you are through."
- Bruce Barton

I don't know what the title should be!

Disclaimer: This is most impromptu post I've ever written.

Today marks the birthday of 2 closest friends. One goes a long long way back, some seven years, and another just two. And yet, I feel I have lived a lifetime with both of them. Seen so many ups and downs...and today I am just glad, to still have them around.

But when I look back, from the time I came to US, life has changed so rapidly in just a span of two years, that its almost impossible to catchup with it and cope. So many friendships made, broken, mended....and some just remain in a limbo...Or maybe I am just in denial of them being broken.

When I try and evaluate, I cannot help but wonder, when did it become so difficult to make and maintain friendships? When did it become a thing that came naturally to me, to a thing that I find myself struggling with today? When did I turn into an anti-social being who cannot keep even two steady friends in life? Or am I just over-reacting?

My mind is just going crazy with questions right now!!
uuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! I hate it!

An excerpt from..

...something I had to read for this presentation...
"Hindsight can sometimes see the past clearly—with 20/20 vision. But the path of what happened is so brightly lit that it places everything else more deeply into shadow.."

Another proof...

...of how desperate the situation is...!

Feeling blue...

Soche dil ki aisa kaash ho,
Tujhko ek nazar meri talash ho,
Jaise khwab hai ankhon mein basse meri,
Waise neendon pe silvate pade teri...

It's incredible...

...How sometimes we ourselves can't take the same kind of treatment we give others...!

Judgments...

...have been made on me, by people who barely know me, and they have not hesitated to point them out openly. And obviously, they were not pleasant. As much as I try, I can't shrug it off. I am feeling bad. Maybe the reason is that, I never show my judgments to anybody. And I let people walk over me a little. Will try and stop doing that. Just for the record, to all those who judged me w/o knowing me, or without thinking how I would feel, f**k you, and may you rot in hell!!
I feel a lil better already...phew :)

Fighting with yourself...

Isn't that something, that all of us do, or are made to do, at one point or another. I have seen it closely, a little too closely. Day in and day out, living with yourself, and hating yourself. It's not nice. So many people, so many relationships, so many conflicts and so many milestones. Some good. Some bad. Some trivial. Some crucial. Some not given so much as a thought even. And some, pondered, wondered, churned over till your insides felt they would bleed. So many thoughts, so many doubts. So many opinions, and so many judgments to face. In the end, all you can do is buckle up good, believe in yourself, and love yourself, just like you loved that beautiful pair of shoes, which gives you the worst of sores but the best of compliments? After all, who knows whether what happened was good or bad? After all, isn't all we do, is only obey a command from up, up above? Then why hate yourself. Then why fight yourself. And why believe what people think of you? Why not believe what you want to, and move on to new horizons? Why not make new memories and erase the bad ones? Why not just stop fighting with fate, life and most importantly yourself? Why not just enjoy the here and now? Why not?

What the hell is going on?

Well for one, I'm back in school. And may I just say - it sucks! Whoever said, student life is the best time of your life, obviously did not do their masters in US of A, that too in a period of recession. Its back to the world of assignments, and deadlines, and working even after 6 in the evening. Sometimes even overnight! But its okay, this too shall pass, and I think sooner than I want it to.

On a different note, the reason why that title appears so strong is because, I'm freaked, appalled almost, at the thought of how old I am getting. I feel old because everyone around me is either getting engaged or married. It's just too much. I am still a kid. How are girls my age even thinking of getting married already??!! Now this seems like a controversy, right? I think I'm a kid, and I am feeling old. But thats the thing, I know I am a kid. But all these happenings around me make me think, something's terribly wrong with me, which in most cases is not a very pleasant thought to have. So....thats the other things thats going on!

But all in all, I am (dare I even say it?) happy. Cool with my life as of now. (Touchwood!!)
:)

Peace.

"Hello Ditcher!"

Said my friend on the phone, when I called to ask her when we all roomies were going for dinner? Agreed I was late. I had a date with "someone", and I had told them I'll join them after I meet him. And in all fairness to everybody(and mostly to me ;)) I did plan the date thing way before this dinner plan came up. And I tried to make it there too. And I did, although a half hour late than the suggested time of turning up!

All I'm asking is, why am I the ditcher?? If I said no to my plan with him, I would be as much of ditcher there as I was being called here. Then, why? Why is it that a girl has to choose and be a ditcher at some place. Why can't she rely on both parties to understand and co-operate since obviously they are both important to her, and she tries her best to be with both. Just that, there are some things like existential crisis, when it comes to existing in two places at the same time, which is not really covered under the wide arena of capabilities that humans possess. Why is it even an "issue" I don't understand. And in all fairness (to me) I will do as I wish, and I shouldn't have to answer anybody. Because I have learned it the hard way, doing what you don't want to do, never makes you even one bit happy.

So to all girlfriends out there, in both senses of being one to a guy and being one to girls(and I don't mean this in a lesbian sort of way, for all you perv-minded) - please do as you please, cos when it comes to being happy, nothing else can make you as happy, and please cut your friends some slack, its hard enough trying to balance a life with boyfriend and friends, but don't make her choose between the two. Don't put her through it. Remember it could be you too!

Peace!

God save the Wall Street!!

“This disparate treatment, unappealing as it is, appears unavoidable,” Mr. Bernanke said(about pouring hundreds of billions of more taxpayer dollars into financial companies — especially when other industries were getting the cold shoulder.) “Our economic system is critically dependent on the free flow of credit.”

And still they send me atleast 2 mails of free credit cards, every month! What is with these guys?? Do they act dumb, or are they just plain that!

Gawd!